Thanks to a few episodes of Jerry Springer in the 90’s I have a genuine fear of reaching a level of inactivity and unhealthy eating that someone has to cut me out of my house; although I know my friends and family would stage a serious intervention before that would happen. Also, I’m trying to keep up routines and maintain an active to-do list to avoid becoming completely sedentary, as well as avoid becoming a daytime talk show cautionary tale.
Part of this transition period is not just about making short-term changes to get me through the next month or two but making long-term changes to my lifestyle.
I’m forcing myself into becoming more of a morning person because I find a sense of accomplishment in completing all my tasks before noon. I kind of hating get up early in the morning and even if I’m awake would rather lay in bed playing on my phone or even worse killing brain cells watching Kardashian reruns. I don’t allow myself to sleep in everyday and try to wake up and get out of bed by 8am, which means I also can’t stay up all night. The TV is not turned on until after 10 am or later and I try to fill up downtime with books or writing instead of cell phone or TV.
I’m also taking steps to clear out my apartment of needless clutter so when I’m ready to move or if I need to move I won’t be scrambling to throw 3 years worth of stuff into my car. This is no easy feat because I am a bit of a pack rat but I can save rambling about how we develop odd attachments to random objects for another post.
On a side note I am concerned that my focus on not letting myself go and changing my lifestyle is not allowing me to relax, which is part of the reason for taking this down time. I’m so afraid my new comfort zone will become sitting on the couch, collecting unemployment, watching Netflix, and waiting for opportunities to fall into my lap that I’m still very tightly wound most of the time. I’m looking into some new ideas to help me relax while staying active including meditation, taking walks, dug out my camera to start taking pictures again (found the pic above taken earlier in the month), cleaning out my space, making homemade Christmas gifts, and reading.
I’m trying to find a balance between relaxing and maintaining momentum. It’s been about a week and a half since the store closed so I’m still struggling with accepting it, drove by the empty store the other day and cried. Jobs become part of our identity, a way people know us, so when you lose that part and don’t have another job to fill the void you can feel a bit lost. Deep down I know I’m making the right choice and truly believe everything will work out for the better but at this moment I’m anxious, sad, and a little scared.