Healthy Changes

The second part of my transition involves my personal health.  Losing my job means changes to health insurance especially since I’m not sure when I’ll find a job and what options that job will offer so as a responsible adult I make appointments for the eye doctor, dentist, and doctor.  Blood work reveals I’m pre-diabetic which I take as a strange combination of good news and bad news.  Good news is I’m not diabetic, bad news is I will be diabetic if I do not make some serious lifestyle changes.

I’m instantly frustrated because along with not having a job and making plans to move I also need to find a way to incorporate exercise into my daily routine and completely revamp my diet.  The other part of the bad news is he puts me on a medication to help lower my blood sugar.  I hate taking medication because I have conflicting ideas about the use of medication.  Medication can help but I also believe society tends to over-medicate with too many people expecting miracle results from a pill rather than addressing the root causes of an issue.  Once I step off my soapbox and research the medication I make the choice to give it a chance.

Once I get over the initial frustration at my diagnosis I realize this is actually perfect timing because I cannot use my busy work schedule as an excuse for not eating right and exercising.  I was working 10-12 hour days developing terrible eating habits that involved sporadic breakfasts, eating nothing for the majority of the day or eating junk then binge eating at night.  Years of eating good for a week then slipping back into old habits must now be replaced with real long term change.

The optimist in me recognizes now I have nothing but time to change my habits developing an exercise routine and meal plans.  I stock my fridge with veggies, fruits, and begin reading labels, as well as researching healthy recipes.  The downside isn’t that I dislike healthy food it’s that I hate to cook but I’m making a genuine effort.  As I write this post I have zucchini chips baking in the oven 🙂

The recent health news only solidifies what I’ve been ignoring for so many years, which is I need to make changes.  Unfortunately I allowed myself to settle down deeply into my comfort zone resisting the reality that I was genuinely unhappy.  I was lazy in all aspects of my life waiting for change to happen rather than taking action.  Recognizing the need for change is not enough so now I have to make tangible steps toward reaching my goals and finding happiness.

Closing the store

Sometimes in life we step up to the plate and make the difficult decisions that transform our lives, other times we sit on the bench until we’re forced to make a change.  Baseball metaphors aside my life is in a transitional state where I need to change in both my personal and professional life to find happiness.

I was working in the same store for 12 years in a state of complacency, not happy but too scared to make a move.  After working my way up the ranks I ended up in the position I never thought I would have, store manager, only to hear 5 months later that my store would be closing.  Between telling employees they would not have a job in a few months to taking apart a place that had been my second home for 12 years the process was physically and emotionally exhausting.

Toward the end, the job was comparable to the end of a bad relationship.  I was miserable but still trying to hang onto the idea of what we had in the beginning when times were good even though deep down I knew things would never be the same between us.  I attempted to stay optimistic but was becoming increasingly bitter and resentful of the company making the decision to move on rather than transfer.  In the end it was a learning experience but one that I hope I never have to go through again.

The store closed one week ago and without a job for the first time in 16 years I find myself in a strange state of mind.  I feel restless and anxious but I’m trying different things to adapt to the recent change.  My brain is struggling to recognize I do not have to worry about the store anymore and can relax for the holidays.  I’m an optimist at heart and believe everything happens for a reason so I know this is the path I’m meant to be on at this point in my life.  Writing about this transitional period will hopefully help me to remain active and perhaps even find some clarity during this new chapter.