I am a detail oriented perfectionist with a constant fear of being judged negatively. When I started my blog I figured it would be a cathartic release, allowing me to express myself by turning some of my inner monologue into written words. My first couple of posts were written in less than an hour as I simply allowed my thoughts to flow but as people began to read I began to over-think everything I wrote. I was worrying that I was off topic or that I might offend someone or that it simply wasn’t interesting. Taking 2 hours to write a 500 word post is a bit excessive and after only 9 posts it’s starting to feel like work.
I appreciate the followers I have (Thanks to everyone who takes the time to read my ramblings and follow my blog) and my competitive nature wants me to the best at everything but at this moment in my life the blog is not to promote or advertise. This is simply telling my story while finding support from people who can relate to my stories and also connecting with others in the blogging community. I’m loving reading all the various blogs and am learning about interesting new topics.
When I told a friend I started a blog she asked me why and my simple reply was that I enjoy writing. I started the blog to gain personal clarity and keep active during this transitional period in my life but I rapidly forgot that this is meant to be fun.
Part of my inspiration for today’s post was finding some of my writing from high school and early college when I wasn’t constantly thinking about what people were thinking of me but simply allowing my thoughts to flow onto paper without hesitation. This week I’m going to attempt to free myself from over-thinking my posts and allow myself to write freely. I don’t know if I will ever focus on one only topic and right now my blog is like me, a bit all over the place but I’m learning to accept that and keep working and writing.