Falling into a new rut

Staring at this blank page, wondering what to write about, thinking maybe I should have started this blog when I was working because I always had stories from work.  Shortly after the store closed I begin to contemplate how closely our identities are tied into our careers.  Talking with friends and family they complain or simply tell stories about their days at work, while I’m like “Today I finished season 3 of Gossip Girl”……

Talking with a friend the other day I realized I really didn’t have much to talk about other than my most recent plan for the future, and she was nice but not much has changed in the last few weeks.  I think what this is making me realize is that I need to explore myself, my world, and my interests.

For 15 years my job was everything, the center of my universe so without that I’m starting to feel a bit boring, which is definitely not my style.

I’ve put certain things on hold primarily because I plan to move in the next couple months, so I’m hesitant to look for a job in this area, commit to any volunteer jobs, or even try dating.  I’m realizing that I’m quick to find an excuse and cling to it especially when I’m truly afraid of something.  I was stuck in my last job because I was waiting for the perfect opportunity to cross my path and now I’m worried I’m falling into the same pattern.  I’ve found a new rut.

Part of my strength is my ability to recognize what I’m doing wrong but my weakness is making actual change.  Public declaration might be part of what I need to make actual change.  I know when I told my friend I couldn’t find volunteer opportunities she called me out on my tendency to make excuses.  Some of the volunteer opportunities I looked at required a commitment of several months but I need to keep exploring because I know there’s options out there for short-term volunteering.  I’m going to commit to finding something, even just one event, by the time I get home from Christmas and will start looking tomorrow.

Let’s see, what else did I say I was afraid of in the previous paragraphs?  I’m not going to look for a job in this area unless I can’t find a place to move by February, even then unless it’s some sort of dream job will be a part time limited engagement kind of job.  The other thing….dating.  I’m not sure I’m quite ready to head down that road anytime soon but I’ll add it to the list and maybe go into my hesitations about venturing into the world of dating in another post.

In the meantime, I’ll start putting some effort into finding hobbies outside of binge watching teen dramas on Netflix.


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