Friends come in all shapes and sizes. If they can handle my sarcasm, creativity, and quirkiness then we can hang. This is not to say that I’m not human and don’t judge people when I first meet them, unfortunately appearance is the first things we have to go on in most cases.
I’m guilty of judging skinny women but I’m beginning to realize what I’m doing is stereotyping in the same way that people might stereotype me because I’m overweight. I’ll save my rant on body shaming for another day because what’s on my mind today is what I’ve learned from my healthy friends and how it brings to light my negative relationship with food.
Some of my friends are super skinny, the kind of girls you see and automatically want to feed them, maybe joke about throwing them a cheeseburger. Something I’ve found with these girls is if you throw them a cheeseburger many will eat it because they do not always have the negative connections with food. A skinny friend would always question how I would never eat because at work I wouldn’t hardly eat whereas she would eat a meal and a snack in a typical work day. I’m beginning to see that she had it right, you have to eat to be healthy.
This is a bit of a struggle for me because I don’t always see eating as a necessity for life but as a source of weight gain. I question all my food choices and will dwell on anything that I view as a misstep away from healthy eating. Most of the people I know who are healthy and not constantly worried about food or their weight seem to eat constantly. When I say that these people eat constantly I mean they eat 3 meals and maybe a couple of snacks during the day, which to my one meal a day mind seems excessive. I’m getting better about my eating habits but I still struggle to eat consistently because I worry that I’m overeating.
Rationally, I know it’s not excessive and I know I feel better when I eat consistently but old habits and mindsets are hard to break. I also know that if I don’t eat I’m more prone to overeating. Even today I ate a handful of almonds, some coffee, but have yet to make an actual meal and it’s after 1 PM. I feel tired, a little cranky, and I know it’s because I haven’t eaten.
Everyone is subject to food issues, whether they’re skinny, obese, or somewhere in between. Healthy and happy is the key to body acceptance, and in my case one of the steps I need to take is to mend my relationship with food. My goal right now is just to get to a place where food is not the enemy and where I can go through the day without thinking about what I’m eating or what I’ve eaten that day.
I’ve been working over the last few weeks to incorporate healthy eating and I’ve made some baby steps but as I continue to dwell on my eating habits I know I have a long way to go but I’m positive that I’ll get there, I just have to accept that it might take some time.