It’s amazing how such a small seemingly harmless item could be so devastating. I truly believe most of my anxiety at the doctor’s office comes from the simple fact that I have to step onto that giant, evil scale. The nurse slides the numbers from one to the next until finding the number I don’t want to hear. Right now I just want to avoid going up one more tick on the big numbers.
The scale is unfortunately a regular part of my day. I try to only weigh myself once in the morning but sometimes I find myself jumping on the scale before bed or even midday, almost like a compulsion. I say that because I’ve tried to put the scale away for awhile only to pull it back out of its’ hiding place a couple days later simply because I hate not knowing, which is funny because it’s not like there’s drastic weight change everyday.
I’ve read contradicting opinions about the home scale, to weigh or not to weigh is the question. Most of what I read seems to indicate weighing yourself is good for maintaining weight and tracking progress but shouldn’t be all consuming, which is the problem. The number on the scale becomes my number for the day. If it’s lower I rejoice, dancing around in excitement but if for some reason the number goes up the next day I am depressed and discouraged so I definitely see the danger in placing all my energy into that number.
Putting away the scale is not an option for me at this point but I know I don’t want it to be the center of attention. As the number goes down I begin to find other things to focus on that make me recognize the positive changes, such as how my clothes fit and more importantly how I feel. I tend to allow simple things to throw me off track and going home is one of those things because it feels like a mini vacation.
The last time I was home I talked to my mom about my pre-diabetes diagnosis explaining how I needed to change my diet and seemed to help inspire her toward make changes in her own diet. I know there will be some temptations because of Christmas but I feel like I’m in a place where it’ll be easier to resist and to make smart splurges rather than going overborard
Going home for Christmas is a break from my beloved/hated scale because my mom does not have one haunting her bathroom, which works for her and for that week works for me. I want to say this will a step toward weaning away from the scale but I know one of the first things I’ll do when I get home is jump on the scale.
As I mention above I’m not ready to put away my scale but maybe baby steps is the answer, I’ll start with every other day rather than every day then just see how it goes. I just want to know the number without it defining or controlling me.