I usually don’t mind being single or regret not having children at this point in my life but sometimes when the holidays come around I get a bit emotional and find myself longing for a family of my own to share in all the things I love about the holidays. Reading my posts you should know I’m not one to dwell, I know things will happen in their due time, and I have plenty to be grateful for in my life but I’m also not immune to negativity.
Social media can be so devastating because there is always the danger of comparing your life to the lives of those around you and falling into the trap of jealousy. Many of my friends from high school and beyond have at least one child so sometimes my biological clock starts ticking, just like Marisa Tomei stomping her foot in My Cousin Vinny (if you’ve never seen it, watch the movie or at least that scene, it’s brilliant). Looking at the people from the past makes me question my choices even though I recognize I’m simply on my own path.
It’s not just looking at the people from the past, but also looking at the people in my present. Many of my friends are several years younger than me and sometimes it makes me regretful of the path I’ve taken, reminding me what I should have done differently. Living in a college town also doesn’t help with the feelings of regret. When I was working at the store many of the employees were there working their way through college so I watched so many people graduate and move on while I remained. Nearly everyone around me is college aged or maybe a little older and as I see people younger than me just starting out on their journey I begin to wonder why I didn’t do things differently.
At these times I have to remind myself that life is not on a time schedule, nor is it a competition and spending my days comparing myself to others is a sure track to insanity.
I also have to remind myself to be thankful for the people in my life, and for all the things I have going for me. If I step back and take away the comparisons to other people I realize I’m actually at a very exciting time in my life. Talking to a neighbor she questioned why I was still living here, she told me, “you’re young, you’re single, you have a degree, what are you still doing here?”
She has a point (although at the ripe old age of 35 I don’t always feel young) and confirms what I’ve known for years, which is that it’s time to stop comparing, stop regretting, and simply enjoy my journey.