Waiting makes me crazy.
Some days I push past the anxiety and find something to occupy my time but today I’m struggling to truly accomplish anything, instead I have 5 half-complete projects sitting around me. I’ve started 2 different blog posts, finished half a job application, checked my email about 40 times, scrolled Facebook aimlessly, read some new blogs, all while mindlessly watching TV (As a side note “Married at First Sight” is an interesting concept, marrying someone you’ve never met. I’ve weaned myself from most reality TV but I like this show especially after 2/3 of the couples from the first season stayed together.)
I’m really at a good place in my life but usually when I have days like this it’s because I’ve allowed myself to start overthinking and I’ve let myself get bored. I’m also starting to recognize a pattern in my anxiety. It really starts to kick in toward the end of the month because it reminds me it’s one more month that I’ve been here without a job. The end of the month reminds me that another month has passed and I’m still trying to figure out my next step.
It reminds me that I’m waiting (patiently).
The beginning of the month is fresh and new so my optimism is high. The beginning of the month I feel hopeful that a new job or opportunity is just around the corner. I’m working on reminding myself that opportunity can happen at anytime and apartment wise finding out I’m moving at the end of the month would be better. Another positive I have to remind myself of is it’s almost the weekend!!
I’m actually very excited for the weekend because I’m going to a musical, Mamma Mia, with my mom, aunts, and cousin for my aunt’s birthday and for a fun girls’ night out with dinner and a show. Also my mom and I are going to see “Rear Window” in theaters since we both love classic movies and Hitchcock.
Okay so I think I’ve written away some of my anxiety. I also get a bit anxious when I’m heading out town even if it’s just for the weekend. It’s in my worrying nature to wonder if I’ve packed enough clothes for 3 days, if I’ve left something on, or if I’ve forgotten to do something I was supposed to do before I left. To calm my worrying nature I create lists which is what I’m off to do now.
Texting a friend who is waiting to hear back from a job about our mutual anxiety I told her the weekend away would be a good distraction from worrying and overthinking. I continue to remind myself that things will happen when I’m least expecting them to, so basically when I’m not sitting hitting refresh on my email all day 😉 .