I love this post! Over the weekend I went out to dinner and my initial reaction was to look for the “healthy” option because I’m working on eating better. After pouring over the menu I decided on the fish and chips then came the real challenge not beating myself up over it. I had a moment of regret then decided to let it go.
They abound everywhere, do they not ? There are the ones that seem to have been around forever, there are the ones that are major “companies” where you get support systems and eat their food, let’s not forget the current trendy ones all over internet, or ones that your neighbor is hawking.
All of them structured plans with the ultimate goal, to get you thinner, and more fat free.
In my past life when I participated in the diet games I’d find whatever might look promising in a magazine and give it a try…..for a week…or two… if I could grind it out that long.
You know what I finally realized ? I really HATED being told what I had to eat, when, and how much I could have. I HATED the idea that foods I loved were “off limit”. And I really HATED the whole feeling of…
I’ve mentioned a few times that I have a friend who is in a similar situation employment-wise but today that changed. One of my closest friends who until a few hours ago was unhappily employed has finally landed a position with a great company. She’s moved a step forward on her journey of happiness.
I’m happy for her………
but there’s also a side of me that wants to cry because it reminds me of my lack of progress. I haven’t been on a single interview. I’ve been applying to jobs for months. I’ve learned the hiring process takes time but it’s still challenging.
I was already not having the greatest day so when I received her text I was immediately happy for her but then the anxiety, doubt, and jealousy arrived in my mind. I began to question my choices, question what I was going to do next, question why she found a job and I was left alone in my struggles. My initial reaction was a bit over-dramatic so I had to regroup before I worked myself up into some crazy anxious frenzy.
On the bright side her text arrived just when I was getting ready to give up on my job search for the day. After my initial reaction I decided to channel my anxious jealous energy into my job search thus turning my negative energy into positive energy. I chose to look at her success not as my failure but as proof that things can work out, that all the applications can eventually turn into a job, that all the stress and doubt can eventually morph into happiness.
I decided to be hopeful. If she found something then I will too. She was applying for jobs before I even started looking so she had a few months on me so I’ve still got time. I’m going to keep applying to jobs and trust in the process.
I’m not gonna lie and say those initial feelings are completely gone….I am human and not some super optimistic robot. There’s still a small part of me throwing an internal tantrum screaming “When’s it gonna be my turn?!?” but for the most part I’m hopeful. When she calls tonight I’m going to congratulate her, wish her all the luck in the world with her new job, and ignore the green eyed monster lurking in my mind. I know my time is coming soon……
I went to my parents’ house last weekend but since I’m not working and my mom had the week off I decided to drive up on Wednesday to enjoy some extra family time. Part of me felt guilty for leaving town for so long because I’m still job hunting but once I was honest with myself about how much I was actually going to accomplish in the extra day and a half the guilt was gone.
The guilt was further eliminated when I spent Thursday with my grandpa and mom at the casino….I know, family gambling time 🙄 but it was so much fun. We won, we lost, we ate dinner, we stayed later than planned but we had a blast.
I took notes about my weekend and on Thursday I wrote down:
-Treasuring the moment
-The simple times
-too much money 😦
-worth it for the joy
I didn’t have my phone out the whole time (I did check my e-mail a few times). I wasn’t worrying about my future. I was too busy watching my grandpa tapping the side of the machine asking for a big win, laughing with my mom about the crazy bonuses on the machines, and enjoying dinner by the river.
I was enjoying myself and know these are moments I’ll always treasure.
Part of my lifestyle change is abandoning my hermit-like solitary lifestyle and working on reestablishing connections plus strengthening current connections. Perhaps I’m getting old and sentimental but when I look back at my life I don’t feel regret for things I didn’t buy but I do regret some of the moments I never experienced or the friends I neglected. I find myself not longing for more stuff but instead looking to make memories, to find moments of pure happiness, and to enjoy the moments with the people I love.