Depression

I’m going to get a bit dark in this post but know that all is well and I’m fine.

I’m optimistic but just like everyone I have my good days and bad days.  I write about both because I love to show off the good days but the bad days are when I really need to share.  Writing gives me the chance to express myself and release some of my emotions.  I’ve always had a bit of darkness with me but most of the time my optimism overshadows it, unfortunately yesterday I couldn’t escape.

I put out a couple posts but I’d written those mostly the day before and earlier in the day I was really trying to do what I could to shake away the dark cloud that was following me before I finally just gave up.
I didn’t check Facebook or my email most of the day.
I didn’t respond to texts.
I didn’t want to eat.
I even turned off my phone for a few hours while I watched a movie.
I honestly considered just leaving it off indefinitely but I know after about 2-3 days I would potentially be facing police at the door doing a welfare check so I decide to turn the phone back on, grab my computer, and write for a bit to try to clear my mind.

I worry about depression during those times when I start staying up later, struggling to get out of bed, not going to the gym, don’t feel like eating, and shutting out the world.  Sunday I almost didn’t go to my friend’s place for Easter because I was too tired.  Yesterday it truly felt like I had a glimpse into depression because no matter what I tried I couldn’t make myself care about anything or see any genuine hope in the future.  I actually have tons of things to be excited about but yesterday I could only see the negative.

It was scary.

I think part of it is just feeling anxious about everything, friends, family, career, money, life. I have days where I see the glass half full but I also have days where I see the glass is half empty so I just want to knock it over.

Today I was still feeling it a bit, that desire to just crawl back under the covers and hide but I made myself get out of bed and into the world.  Even as I sit here writing I feel myself coming back especially as I think of all the good things that have already happened today and the many good things happening in the next week.

I had a great workout this morning (lots of shoulder exercises and I’m feeling it).  The sun is shining and even though it’s a bit cold I have my windows open to let in some fresh air.  I set an alarm in my phone to take a walk later this afternoon.  I qualified for 2 jobs plus some positions I’m really interested in opened up this morning.

I’m getting a much needed haircut tomorrow.  If a trip wasn’t planned I would have been finding a way to get out of town this weekend because I can’t allow myself to hole up in my apartment and wallow. Thankfully, I already have a weekend trip planned with friends, which has come at the perfect time because I need to be with friends.

I still feel tired but I’m drinking coffee and pushing forward.

Advertisements

3 comments

  1. Pingback: Happy Birthday to Me! | Transitions in my Life
  2. BabetaRuns · April 8, 2015

    We have a saying in Czech…
    “Not every day is a feast”

    I think it’s good to have bad days so we can appreciate and really enjoy the good days!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • daisy9979 · April 8, 2015

      Thanks Babeta! That’s a great saying. Today is definitely one of the good days 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

Share your thoughts...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s