The girl who said no to fun

My weekend trip takes me over a mountain pass, which is usually not a big deal in the spring but in the winter it gets a bit treacherous so I didn’t think planning a trip in April would be an issue.  Maybe some rain, a bit of wind, nothing my little car can’t handle (it struggles but perseveres).  This morning when I checked the weather an advisory popped up for snow in the pass.

I was not happy because it wasn’t just possible snow but at least 3-5 inches possibly a foot of snow (typically weather reporting with the nice wide range) so now I’m left with the dilemma of whether or not to go for a weekend away that I’ve been really, really, really looking forward to all week.  This morning I was almost in tears over the decision because it brings me to the real problem.

I’ve bailed on my friends so many times over the years, weekends, parties, going for drinks, etc.  Sometimes it was legitimate because I was sick or dealing with sick cat and sometimes it was an excuse because I was afraid or felt insecure so now that I really want to do something but have a legitimate reason for not doing it I begin to feel like “the boy who cried wolf.”

I’m more like “the girl who said no to fun”.   The girl who said no to fun so many times that people quit inviting her places because they knew she would say no.  When I first moved down here people would invite me places but I would almost always decline partially because I was too busy sitting around drinking by myself (that’s a whole other post) and partially because I was so insecure about myself.  I think I missed out on some great opportunities to build up some friendships and I don’t want to do that anymore.

Even when my friend asked me about this weekend a couple weeks ago she told me yesterday “I didn’t think you would say yes”  That right there sticks in my mind and it’s another part of what I’m trying to change in my life.

I don’t want to be know as the girl who says no to every invitation.  I really want to make the effort to put myself out there because I’m not going to find myself or any adventure spending all my days in my apartment with my cat (Sorry James the cat).

It’s sad because as we inch closer to the weekend there is some part of me that was trying to come up with an excuse not to go and this weather issue was perfect but I really want need to see my friends this weekend.  I think it’s part social anxiety and a larger part laziness because I love to do things I just don’t like to drive to them, now if I could just teleport to the other side of the state I would visit all the time 😉

I’ve been checking the weather throughout the day but it’s always kind of a shot in the dark.  They might say a foot of snow and only get a couple inches or vice versa so I just take my chances.  I still have my winter boots and tire chains in the car just in case….but I made the decision to go.  I can’t stand the idea of spending the whole weekend in town doing nothing.

I know I won’t regret going as much as I would if I didn’t go so onward to adventure 😀

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