The Green Eyed Monster

I’ve mentioned a few times that I have a friend who is in a similar situation employment-wise but today that changed.  One of my closest friends who until a few hours ago was unhappily employed has finally landed a position with a great company. She’s moved a step forward on her journey of happiness.

I’m happy for her………

but there’s also a side of me that wants to cry because it reminds me of my lack of progress.  I haven’t been on a single interview.  I’ve been applying to jobs for months.  I’ve learned the hiring process takes time but it’s still challenging.

I was already not having the greatest day so when I received her text I was immediately happy for her but then the anxiety, doubt, and jealousy arrived in my mind.  I began to question my choices, question what I was going to do next, question why she found a job and I was left alone in my struggles.  My initial reaction was a bit over-dramatic so I had to regroup before I worked myself up into some crazy anxious frenzy.

On the bright side her text arrived just when I was getting ready to give up on my job search for the day.  After my initial reaction I decided to channel my anxious jealous energy into my job search thus turning my negative energy into positive energy.  I chose to look at her success not as my failure but as proof that things can work out, that all the applications can eventually turn into a job, that all the stress and doubt can eventually morph into happiness.

I decided to be hopeful.  If she found something then I will too.  She was applying for jobs before I even started looking so she had a few months on me so I’ve still got time.  I’m going to keep applying to jobs and trust in the process.

I’m not gonna lie and say those initial feelings are completely gone….I am human and not some super optimistic robot.  There’s still a small part of me throwing an internal tantrum screaming “When’s it gonna be my turn?!?” but for the most part I’m hopeful.  When she calls tonight I’m going to congratulate her, wish her all the luck in the world with her new job, and ignore the green eyed monster lurking in my mind.   I know my time is coming soon……

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