I woke up this morning with a dark cloud hanging over my head. I didn’t want to get out of bed but instead I wanted to hide under the covers and cry. I went to sleep at midnight, woke up at 4:30, 5:30, 6:30, and finally decided to give up on sleep a little before 8AM. My sleep had been uneasy plagued with nightmares about my former job, seriously I thought I would be done with those by now but sometimes anxiety and stress will pull up things from the past.
I was trying to close the store but couldn’t remember how to use the machine we used to count the registers plus our floor cleaning crew was there when they weren’t supposed to be and the front doors wouldn’t close so customers kept trying to come in and the people working with me were in the back talking. They wouldn’t help me but I knew they were annoyed because I wasn’t counting the registers fast enough.
It was a common theme of my nightmares when I was working at the store. I haven’t had store dreams in months so it was a bit odd, hopefully there won’t be more.
I sent a text to one of my best friends about my desire to hide under the covers and cry but she said I couldn’t do that so I decided I needed to go get in a good workout and run some errands. Also, I read a great post from Weights and Protein Shakes giving a recap on her goals for the year. It was inspiring. It helped remind me of my progress, my goals, and how I wasn’t going to have anymore progress or accomplish any more goals if I decided to hide under my covers forever.
I threw the covers aside, put on some gym clothes, made a small shopping list, and reluctantly headed out the door. I arrived at the gym determined to maintain my grumpy attitude but I couldn’t because everyone else seemed to be in such a good mood it was contagious. I saw some people I knew so I was forced to ditch my scowl for a smile and a polite “good morning” but it really was what I needed.
The weight room was pretty empty except for one guy who was a bit odd. He was sitting in the window when I went to do my seated calf raises (side note, I added 10lbs to this exercise this week), which wouldn’t be too weird if the window wasn’t less than a foot away…oh well, I just did my thing.
It was a good workout and I’m glad I decided to go to the gym instead of wallowing in misery all morning.
I’m not gonna lie and say I’m all sunshine and rainbows now but I definitely feel better than I would have if I’d allowed myself to sleep half my day away. Getting out this morning was my way to not let my sadness completely overwhelm me and drag me into a spiral of depression. My philosophy has always been it’s okay to give into emotions, sadness is normal so today I might still give in a bit and have a good cry.
It’s gray, rainy, chilly, and hormones have me feeling a bit weepy so I might spend the rest of my afternoon curled up under a blanket catching up on Grey’s Anatomy or a good sad movie. I’ve been holding off on “The Fault in our Stars”, so maybe today’s the perfect day for it.