Failure with a Hint of Success

I’m a bit disappointed in myself.

I gave myself a challenge to not drink for 45 days but today I broke my resolve and had a beer with lunch.

I debated over it from the time we decided where to eat.  I knew the temptation would be there and I knew the people I was with would have a drink.  I actually went to the bathroom right when we got there partly because I had to and partly to give myself a minute alone to decide if I wanted to cave on my challenge.

As soon as I got to the table my friend passed me the drink menu but I asked for the beer list.  My preference and my trigger has always been hard alcohol so I thought if I started with a drink I might be tempted to have more drinks.  I was still debating in my mind while I stared at the menu but I decided on a cda vanilla bourbon stout, not my typical drink but it sounded good.  After a few sips I realized the drink was maybe hitting me a bit harder than I would like, guessing it was a combination of the early morning wake up, small mid-morning breakfast, and not drinking for awhile.

It was really good so just like with food sometimes if it’s really good you instantly want more so I began to debate having a second one then I began to think about all the things I wanted to get done tonight and the things I wanted to do tomorrow. Plus there was a larger part of my mind that realized I don’t want to get drunk and I felt like a second one wouldn’t have gotten me drunk but it would’ve put me on that path.

It sucks because I was only 2 weeks away from being done.  Tonight I’ve gone back and forth between beating myself up for it and telling myself it’s okay.  I even debated writing about it but part of my blog is honesty and accountability.  I didn’t want to come to the end of my challenge celebrating a lie.

I’m not going to say I completely failed on my challenge but I did break a commitment to myself which is disappointing.  I knew if I came across a social situation with drinking it would be a challenge and I did fail in that aspect but I also succeeded in something.  I succeeded in enjoying a beer (just one) with friends and being perfectly content.

In the past if I had one drink I wanted another and another and another.  I was drinking not necessarily because I enjoyed it but because I wanted to get drunk.  Today I didn’t want to get drunk so even though I didn’t complete my challenge and I’m disappointed I know I’ve made progress.

That’s what my journey is all about right now, progress.

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8 comments

  1. Pingback: Meal Plan Monday-Bonus Edition | Transitions in my Life
  2. mad nad · May 18, 2015

    I appreciate your honesty… I definitely have my moments of failure and disappointment in myself for not following through on something. Self-discipline is not something that comes easily! Not to me at least. I’ve read somewhere to try practicing self-discipline on smaller things first then tackle the larger. I quit smoking 3 years ago and that was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do self-discipline-wise. (Wrote a post about it too.) The important thing I always remind myself is to not let the disappointment overpower your will to try again. Only when you stop trying do you truly fail… And yes, it truly is all about progress… a garden does not bloom overnight! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Daisy9979 · May 19, 2015

      I’ve learned honesty is the best policy. Not writing about it kind of feels like lying to myself plus writing usually makes me feel better and puts things in perspective for me. I was really feeling guilty and disappointed but once I wrote this out I realized I couldn’t undo my decision so the best thing is to just move forward.
      I’ll check out your blog. Thanks for reading and commenting! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. keen peach · May 18, 2015

    I love that you were so honest! Good just stopping at just one! I say give yourself a break and finish out the 2 weeks strong!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Daisy9979 · May 19, 2015

      Thanks! I debated writing about it but knew I would feel guilty if I didn’t and I completely agree with you. I’m going to accept the misstep and finish out these last couple weeks 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. miusho · May 16, 2015

    It is part a failure and succes as you say. You failed your challenge but you won by sticking to one beer. Was it because you were with friends? Or because you’ve been having such good progress lately?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Daisy9979 · May 16, 2015

      I think it’s a bit of both with both the failure and success. It’s easier to cave on a challenge when you’re with friends even though I don’t think my friends would have peer pressured me if I didn’t have a drink.
      The progress helped me stick to one because I’ve reevaluated my priorities. I knew I didn’t want to spend the afternoon in a haze or spend all day tomorrow hungover.

      Liked by 1 person

      • miusho · May 16, 2015

        Priorities are always good.. When you get those straightened out, things should normally go as planned. 😮

        Like

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