Listening to my Own Voice

I live in a state of conflict, torn between following my heart and following my head.  I’m running out of time to decide so I’m really coming to a place where I need to…maybe not decide what I’m going to do with the rest of my life because that’s (hopefully) a long time and things change but I do need to decide what I’m going to do in the next two months (Should I stay or should I go?).

Talking with my mom yesterday helped.
She’s amazing.
She basically told me to trust in myself and that I can do anything I want to do.

Sometimes those are the words you need to hear.  She even told me if I want to pursue a more unconventional or bohemian lifestyle traveling and taking pictures then that’s what I should do.  I struggle with a fear of disappointment so to know she’s supporting me no matter what I choose, whether it’s a 9 to 5 job, a parole officer, social worker, circus performer, or someone who travels and sells photos, really helps.

It’s nice she accepts I’m not in a pursuit of fame and fortune, although I do recognize I need some money to survive, but I’m in pursuit of my happiness.

I think sometimes people have a hard time understanding everyone has their own dreams and their own standards. I’m at a place where I’m realizing life isn’t all about money and stuff.  I like stuff but it’s not everything.  My dreams are not of the conventional variety and I’m finally learning to accept what I want is something exciting, something I feel passionate about, not something I do just because it makes me tons of money.  Of course I would love to have abundant money to travel without worry but I also dream about selling all my stuff to make money and living out of a cheap trailer so I could just go.

Some people don’t understand what I’m doing.
Some people think I’m doing everything wrong.
Some people think I’m being lazy.
Some people question my decisions.

It’s tough to just tune out all the voices around you and listen to your own voice.  I’m trying to do this more because I think some people (no matter how well their intentions) are trying to help guide me onto their path instead of allowing me to forge my own.

I’m learning I don’t have to be alone but I also don’t have to follow the crowd.

IMG_7867My mom even mentioned how I seemed happier and I am happier.  Right now I’m doing what I’ve discovered I enjoy doing, exploring and taking pictures.

Even as I sit here typing I find myself staring out the window (Seriously, look at those blue skies, how could I stay inside today?) planning my walk along the trail to photograph the poppies but first I’m going to finally take some images over to a local gallery to see if she might be willing to sell some of my work.

When I went to lunch with my friend on Saturday she said she had stopped into the gallery to check it out, talked with the owner, and mentioned my photography.  The owner said I should bring in some of my work.  I’ve been talking about doing this for at least a month so this is a sign I need to just get in there and see what she says, worst case scenario she says no and I begin to search more options.

No matter what I decide to do it’s going to require hard work and difficult decisions.  I might not make popular choices and sadly might even lose some friends in the process but honestly if they can’t support my choices they’re not the best people to have in my life.

I’m not shutting out advice or help.  I’m not going to start ignoring everyone but I’m just going to try to turn down the outside voices so I can better hear my own voice and continue to forge my own path.

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10 comments

  1. Pingback: The Blame Game | Transitions in my Life
  2. keen peach · May 20, 2015

    Prayers your way! That always helps in decision making. I agree, you have to ultimately listen to yourself. This is a huge lesson I have learned. I used to always let others influence my decisions and it only delayed me from actually doing what I needed to do. Not anyone else’s fault but my own of course but still held me back none the less. Good luck Daisy!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Daisy9979 · May 20, 2015

      Thanks so much! It’s tough sometimes to just trust yourself and not allow others to influence your decisions. I’m finding the most helpful people in my life right now are the ones who offer advice and help on what I should do next but also listen to and support what I want to do even if the idea seems crazy.
      I continue to appreciate your support and kind words! 🙂

      Like

  3. miusho · May 19, 2015

    That actually sounds very exciting!! 😀 I’m curious to see how it goes! If you feel happy about going this way you should go for it! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Daisy9979 · May 19, 2015

      It is exciting to think about actually pursuing something completely unexpected but the uncertainty is scary. For now I’m pushing forward past the fear, the gallery liked my stuff so I’ll be making notecards for the next few days but I’ll have more about that in my next post 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • miusho · May 19, 2015

        It’s good that you won’t let fear stop you. If you never pursue this you’ll probably regret it in the end.
        Also takes the stress away of finding a job. But, puts it elsewhere..

        Liked by 1 person

      • Daisy9979 · May 19, 2015

        I’m still applying for jobs just pursuing photography more to see what happens. I regret so much I don’t want this to be another thing I regret so I’m taking chances to see what happens!

        Liked by 1 person

      • miusho · May 19, 2015

        Good luck! Let’s hope it turns out into something great. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  4. jordynashley · May 19, 2015

    Believe in yourself! You never know unless you try and if you don’t try… You will always wonder! Keep your head up 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Daisy9979 · May 19, 2015

      Thanks for the support, Jordyn! I’m gonna give this a shot and see what happens!

      Liked by 1 person

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