I know somewhere out there are people who can write an email, proofread it, send it, then forget about it, some might not even proofread, just write and send, it’s that easy. I don’t understand this quick, simple process free from worry.
For me, nothing is that easy. Every little thing is filled with anxiety.
My e-mail process is often write e-mail, fret over every word, rewrite it, read it out loud, change a sentence, read it out loud again, change the sentence back, check the e-mail address I’m sending it to 5 times, read it out loud one more time, click send, stare at the computer as if something terrible is going to happen, then become scared to check my e-mail in case I receive a negative message back.
It makes me feel like a crazy person (I’m sure this isn’t a PC phrase but I’m talking about myself so I decided it’s okay).
I’ve found ways to control some of it but for the most part even the simplest tasks can be fodder for my anxiety. Yesterday it was sending thank you e-mails to the interview panel. Part of the anxiety for this issue stems from the fact that I forgot to get contact information from everyone….I know, interview 101 but when you haven’t had an interview in a decade or so sometimes the little things slip through the cracks.
I beat myself up for not writing it down with my questions.
I tried to look up the information online.
I wonder if this could be the singular mistake that ruins me.
I spent a good chunk of my weekend worrying about how I was going to fix it.
This morning I called the recruiter who was going to send the info so I spent most of my drive thinking the problem was solved but we had a miscommunication so all she sent me was the names. *sigh*
I responded to her when I got home that I was hoping to get email addresses but she was out of the office for the rest of the day. *double sigh*
I finally figured out pretty much everyone I received communication from had the same e-mail format first.last@company so I decided to use the names with this format, send out the e-mails and say a little prayer. Unfortunately this move sends my brain into overdrive thinking I might have blown my chances by this one seemingly minor mistake. By not writing down on my little list of questions “get contact info” I might not get the news I want this week.
I still have a good feeling but you never know how things will turn out so I wait and try to think happy thoughts. I can’t lie because not getting this job will hurt, so much, and if it doesn’t happen there will be tears (actually, I think there might be tears either way), but I’m going to keep applying this week. I’m hoping for good news but I’m trying to be prepared either way because sometimes things don’t go the way you want but you can’t quit, you still have to keep moving, keep trying, keep pushing forward.
This has been my philosophy over the last few months so I can’t let myself become devastated by one failure or technically allow my mind to decide I’m doomed for failure while I’m waiting for a decision.
I hate the fact that it’s only Tuesday afternoon.
I realize keeping myself busy is going to be more of a challenge than I originally anticipated. This morning I did a bunch of cleaning (post about clutter coming soon) but since I got up at 7:30AM I found myself done with many of the tasks I wanted to accomplish before noon so I watched a bit of TV then realized the best way to waste time was to sit down in front of my computer XD
Between Facebook, WordPress, cleaning up my e-mail, and editing photos I can easily waste the rest of the day 😉
I chose to stay home today but have a list of errands to be done tomorrow. Hopefully the next few days go by fast, I can keep my worry in check, and I hear good news by the end of the week.