This is how I feel today.
For the sake of my stomach I hope I get an answer about this job soon. The waiting has my stomach tied up in knots and makes my mind restless. Last week the only scenario I could see was getting the job, now I’m beginning to see the other possibility. I’m preparing for both and making myself crazy in the meantime.
Left to my own devices I begin to imagine all the worst things that could happen. I begin to play out unrealistic scenarios in my head like the one where they send me an email or call saying “No job for you.” (Said just like the Soup Nazi) or the one where my references say terrible things about me. I think I’m letting it overwhelm me and make me physically sick.
I always do my best to remain optimistic but some days it’s tough to get out of your own head.
It’s the not knowing. I could get a response today or not. They might e-mail me. They might call me. I could be moving soon. I could be staying here and trying to do whatever I need to do so I don’t end up living in my car. I’m being dramatic………I would end up living with my parents. (Hi Mom! I’ll let you know when I’m on my way). This time just gives me the opportunity to continue to over analyze every little thing from the interview.
This morning it was wondering if how I walked down the hall to the room was some kind of test because she walked behind me giving me directions instead of leading the way to the room. Even if this was some strange test I think I did okay even though I did hesitate in a couple of spots but I kept expecting her to get in front of me…..Uggggghhhhhhhh! These are the kind of things I’m pondering.
My hermit tendencies aren’t helping matters in any way. I get stressed and I go into hibernation mode.
Today I’m forcing myself to get out of the house for a little bit, going to run a few errands this morning then I have to swing by my friend’s place tonight to feed her cats while she’s out of town so that will get me out twice. I was going to try to combine all the errands into one then realized that was ridiculous especially when I live in a town where it typically takes 5 minutes or less to drive anywhere in town.
I think when I go to feed the cats I’ll either go to the gym or go to the arboretum for a walk but we’ll see what the day brings. Writing has renewed my optimism so I think I’m done wallowing in self-pity and worry for the moment. I know sitting around in the house making myself crazy isn’t helping anything so it’s time to put on some real clothes, maybe a bit of makeup, (I’ve been wearing pajamas for almost 2 days straight) and get out into the outside. It’s not quite as hot today so I don’t think I’ll melt.
Happy Monday! Here’s to once again hoping I’ll be reporting good news soon!