I told my mom one day, “I want a boyfriend so I have someone to bring me french fries when I’m curled up on the bed with cramps and don’t want to move”
She reminded me of some of the other reasons I’ve mentioned for wanting a boyfriend:
“to help carry groceries so I don’t have to make 2 trips”
“to go to the store for me when I’m sick”
“to drive me around in the winter because I hate driving in the snow”
“to clean the top shelves and change light bulbs”
“to kill spiders when they invade my personal space”
Her suggestion was perhaps I was looking for more of a personal assistant/maid/driver rather than a boyfriend but I said I also want someone to cuddle and watch movies or go hiking or listen to records or just sit quietly and read books.
Years ago I decided I was going to try but the dates were so terrible (Read those stories here) I gave up. I wouldn’t admit that I gave up but would say that “when it’s the right time I’ll meet someone” or “I’m just too busy” I quit putting myself out there and began to contemplate what life would be like with 20 cats……smelly, probably. I was also lacking in self-confidence and didn’t really know myself. I was miserable and I think anyone decent who dated me probably would’ve run for the hills after the 20th conversation listening to me complain about my job and my not trying to do anything different.
I was also deterred by the fact that I wouldn’t try new things and I wasn’t active. If I read a dating profile where a guy listed his hobbies as biking, hiking, camping, anything outdoors, I was scared. Instead of seeing it as an opportunity to get myself more active and try new things I decided I didn’t want to have to get off my ass so I scrolled past him.
I sometimes want to kick myself for being so lazy and not taking any chances but that was past me and I’ve come so far since that time in my life. I think time spent alone can help to develop confidence and self-awareness. I’ve had friends who go from relationship to relationship without being single for any period of time.
How can you know yourself if you’re constantly with somebody else?
I think it makes you stronger because you learn to do things on your own. You learn being alone is not the worst thing in the world. I struggled with this but eventually I learned if I want to go to a movie or go out for a meal alone, it’s okay. I used to worry about what people would think but I care less about that now. If someone wants to make fun or judge me for going out alone I think that’s more their problem than mine. Like other things I’m not going to wait on perfect conditions to live my life.
If I want to go do something and no one can go with me I’ll simply go alone. I learned it’s perfectly okay to go out without the security blanket of another person. I’m not saying my friends or family are security blankets, simply that sometimes we use the comfort of other people to shield us from our fear of judgement.
I’m not anti-relationship I simply believe you have to spend some time alone to truly know yourself.
I don’t want to be alone forever nor do I want to adopt more cats (Read James the Cat) but right now my life is so up in the air. I don’t have a job. I might be moving. As selfish as it might be I’m really focused on myself right now, which I think is okay. My goals right now are all about getting my life in order.
A job is the primary thing missing from my life right now (Hopefully this week I will hear some news) but I think once I get settled in a new job I’ll be ready to start work on finding that guy who will bring me french fries, has a good sense of self, has some goals, good sense of humor, and is also willing to kill spiders 😀