You’ve got this dream.
You work hard for it.
You wait some more.
Okay…you wait a little bit longer.
Finally! It happens!
You have what you wanted but for some reason instead of the insane excitement you thought you would feel you feel scared……
Don’t get me wrong. I am excited and can’t wait to start this job. It’s the job I’ve wanted for years. I think it’s just that evil little creature known as Doubt and his sidekick Fear, creeping into my mind making me question if I can really do this, the job, the move, everything.
Today it hit me the reason I’ve been saying the words “I’m so excited” but thinking “I’m so scared” is because I have some part of my mind that never thought this would really happen. Despite all my optimism and positive thinking some part of my brain was convinced I couldn’t do it. When I realized this it bothered me because it made me think if everyone else believes you can do this….Why don’t you?
I began to picture the evil creature, Doubt, resting on my shoulder, whispering in my ear, telling me I’m not good enough, not smart enough, not worthy of this type of opportunity. It made me both sad and angry.
I think I began this journey full of optimism for the future but as time wore on Doubt began to get louder and louder. I started to go backwards. I began to question myself, question if my dreams were too big, question if I should just settle, a miserable job is better than no job, right?
When I told someone I was thinking about taking a retail job I think their response was “Even though you told me it would kill your soul” Yes. I was willing to go back to a job I hated because I didn’t believe in myself enough, because I allowed Doubt to overtake my mind.
Now I’m realizing I actually need to get things done. I’m going to have a schedule. After almost 8 months of not working I have to go to work. It’s not that I don’t want to go back to work. I definitely want to go back to work but after all this time not working and then going back in a completely different field I’m a little scared.
It’s tough to admit how strange this is and right now I’m still struggling a bit to grasp that this is really happening. Everything that’s happened over the last few days feels like a dream. I wake up in the morning and the first thing I think about is how everything is changing. I just have to remind myself that even though I’ll be facing new challenges everything will be changing for the better.
I feel like I’m coming up on the end of this chapter of my life and as I get closer to the end it’s inspiring a range of emotions. Even though I’m ready to move forward it’s tough to not feel some sort of sentiment as I finish up this chapter in my life and prepare for the next step.
Not to go too deeply into the chapter metaphor but it does feel like I’m writing the last few sentences in the chapter titled “Unemployment” but now I need to start work on the next chapter. I don’t have a title for it yet but I’m going to do my best to leave Doubt and Fear in the past and make this new chapter even more amazing 🙂
My writing is going to be hit and miss over the next few weeks. I’ll still be reading and commenting just might not be writing everyday.
Thanks for following along with me on my journey! ❤