Continued Anxiety

It’s time to go to sleep but unfortunately my mind begins to replay all the things I’ve done this week I perceive as stupid, silly, or worthy of anxiety.

  • The time I called a person I’d known for 2 days by the wrong name.
  • When I called someone this week and said “I’m just returning the call phone message…”  That is literally what I said.
  • When I spoke up in class but said the wrong answer.
  • They gave us Nooks with the training material and we needed to return them today, the last day of class and of course I left it at home 30 minutes away 😦
  • When I was called on in class and my brain decided to walk out the door at that moment leaving me stuttering and struggling for an answer.
  • When I was in self-defense class and had to partner with another woman in class and I didn’t completely know what we were doing so we ended up in this super awkward bear hug.
  • The time I realized I should’ve given my boss a message earlier in the day.
  • Of course, most every conversation I’d had with everyone this week.

It’s frustrating when this happens.  It’s frustrating because I know many people don’t dwell on these moments, don’t dwell on these insignificant moments and allow them to overtake their thoughts.  They don’t spend time laying in bed thinking about all the things they could have done or said differently to avoid these moments.

I wonder how I become one of those people and I try my hardest to eliminate these thoughts.  I try to rationalize with myself.  The moment is gone and I can’t go back in time to change it.  If there were other people in the interaction they’re not dwelling on it in the same way and probably didn’t even notice, except the bear hug moment…she noticed 😄

The Nook dilemma worked out because a woman I met in the class lives here but works where the Nooks need to go so she offered to meet up this weekend so she could bring it with her on Monday.

I had a problem.
I solved the problem.
It’s done….but some part of my brain doesn’t seem to know this fact.   I continue to kick myself.  The problem is solved yet I still find myself searching for a time machine to go back to the this morning or last night so I could throw the Nook in my purse.

I’ve also created a new worry, which is coordinating meeting with this person who I kind of know but not really.  We talked about hanging out (there’ll be another post about this) but should I arrange for us to meet for lunch or coffee or is that too much since we just spent the whole week together?

This is what goes on in my mind.  I guess I just continue to find myself envious of the people who can just “let it go”.
They make a mistake then fix it or simply learn from it and move on.
They don’t dwell.

Unfortunately in my efforts to stop my anxious behavior I become more anxious wondering why I can’t just stop.  The more I think about not thinking the more I end up thinking but I can’t seem to stop the cycle.

Why can’t I just stop dwelling on these small moments?

I’m reminding myself to relax.  I’m heading out for a hike, spending time with friends, and enjoying a laid back Sunday.

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7 comments

  1. itsgoodtobecrazysometimes · August 22, 2015

    I really relate to this, I don’t just worry about the dumb stuff I did in the past I worry about future stuff, like how am I going to afford my son going to university (he is 3)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Daisy9979 · August 22, 2015

      That’s a legitimate worry but one that you have plenty of time to address 🙂 but I know what you’re saying. Rationally you know you have about 15 years to work it out but some part of your brain still wonders what you’re going to do.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. miusho · August 22, 2015

    Usually, when I mess up like that, I just laugh at myself because its just so silly… You know its not bad and yet your brain keeps going in circles..

    Liked by 1 person

    • Daisy9979 · August 22, 2015

      I do laugh at myself but unfortunately I also dwell on things, even the silly things. I think it’s just the crazy perfectionist side of my personality that brings out my worry.

      Like

  3. Constructing Carrie · August 21, 2015

    I am the exact same way! Out of nowhere, I’ll start thinking about an awkward moment that happened 10 years ago, and my heart starts racing and I turn red and become a blotchy mess… I wish desperately I could be like those people who forget that dumb stuff and never look back at it! You’re sooo not alone! 🙂 *insert awkward hug here*

    Liked by 1 person

    • Daisy9979 · August 22, 2015

      Thanks! 🙂 I hate to hear of other people going through these things but sometimes it’s nice to hear because in the moment I feel a bit crazy and wonder why I’m dwelling on soemthing I can’t change. Plus it’s usually something that has no significant outcome on my life…Thank you for the awkward hug! I needed that this morning 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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