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I can’t decide what will make this feel like home.

My cat, desk, food in the fridge, clothes in the closet, car in the garage, new job, even with all these things I still sometimes struggle with the acceptance that this is my new life.  I’m not going to go home in a few weeks, this is my home but I can’t shake the thoughts in my head making me feel like I’m walking around in a dream.

To clarify:  I don’t feel unwelcome.

I just feel a little off, like I’m in a haze.  I think this surreal feeling stems from the fact that I’m essentially living my dream….not 100% because in my dream I’m living in a swanky downtown penthouse apartment where I walk to Pikes Market everyday to buy fresh ingredients for dinner.  I’ll have to keep that one in the dream catalog for now 😉

Part of me knows I’m thinking about it too much because I haven’t even been here a month. As I write this what strikes me is how much I underestimated the impact of taking everything I knew and leaving it behind.  I left a career I knew for one where I have no experience.  I went from working a schedule that changed from week to week to not working to now a consistent 9-5 M-F job.  I lived in my previous city for over a decade of my life.  I had some dark times but also good times, especially toward the end it really began to feel like my home.

I’m happy to be here I still have moments where I question myself but I think that’s natural.  The little things are helping me to settle in more each week.  One of the things people don’t think about is finding your places, the grocery stores, the dentist, the gas station, the vet, the doctor, the bank, etc.  As I find more of these places plus find my way there and back without using navigation it makes me feel a little more settled.

I’m feeling more confident driving around the city, although I’m still getting used to the busy interstates and highways.  I’m learning the names of the roads around me so I could almost give someone directions.

The more I explore, learn my way around, make new friends, settle into my job, and go out to do things the more it feels like home.  I’ve been keeping myself busy on the weekends.  Last weekend was a hike, coffee with a new friend, checking out the pool, and an expedition to the hardware store.  This morning I went to the mall for the first time (bought only what I needed), meeting a friend for dinner later, and heading to my first soccer game tomorrow.

I know time is the biggest factor but I guess some part of me assumed since this is what I’ve always wanted that I would just settle right into it without any hesitation and I wouldn’t miss my old life…..but in so many ways I do.

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9 comments

  1. inspiretheworld2day · August 30, 2015

    I found you through the meet n greet. Great post. Can’t wait to read many more 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. briana1010 · August 30, 2015

    For me it feels like home once you have people over…for drinks or dinner or game night…whatever.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Constructing Carrie · August 29, 2015

    I’m impressed how much you’ve done to settle in already in just a month! It’s so much harder to make new friends as you get older, but there’s nothing like moving to a new city to get you out of your routine! I think as the days go on and you create a new normal, you’ll seamlessly move into feeling at home. Anxiety is just anticipation run amuck 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Daisy9979 · August 29, 2015

      Thanks, It really is challenging to make friends as you get older. I have a half written post about making friends as adults so that should be coming out this week 🙂
      It’s a good thing for me to get out of my routine and this really is an exciting time but sometimes the anxiety gets the better of me.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Constructing Carrie · August 29, 2015

        I hear you! I let my anxiety talk me out of things all the time! You’ve been so brave in your new adventure! And I can’t wait to read your post about making friends as adults. I stink at it.

        Like

  4. keen peach · August 29, 2015

    It takes a minute to get cozy. You will though. I know that surreal feeling that you talk about, It’s stress actually. Moving is definitely stressful even if you aren’t upset. But yes, get out there and explore and make new friends because that will definitely speed things up. I am glad you are writing about your move and all of the changes that you are going through. I know it’s an outlet for you, but it’s really interesting to read for some reason. You are a great writer!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Daisy9979 · August 29, 2015

      Thank you! You’re so sweet! 🙂 You hit the nail on the head, stress is definitely at the root of this feeling but I’m trying to hide how stressed out I am about all this change.
      The writing definitely helps. Even if I’m not posting all the time I’m writing all week.

      Liked by 1 person

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