The other morning as I dragged out my scale and wiped away the dust I had a bad feeling. I knew I was going to see something I did not want to see but I was in the final stage of my weight gain, acceptance.
As I gained the courage to face the number I couldn’t help but bring up a comparison to the five stages of grief. I realized I’d been through each of these stages plus one more and was finally ready to move forward.
I started in denial.
“It’s water weight” “I’m bloated” “It’s just a couple pounds, it’ll come right off” “I’m doing all the right things”
The last one is just lying to myself, I’ve been doing some of the right things. I’ve been in denial of the fact that I’m not doing enough. My 10 minute “workouts” and 5,000 steps a day aren’t going to cancel out my terrible eating habits so I become….
I’m mostly angry with myself. Why did I allow this to happen? Why don’t I have any self control? Why are these jeans so tight?
As an optimist the anger passes relatively quickly so I move onto the next phase……Actually, I’ll move onto bargaining in a minute. I’m going to add in a phase here called, Excuses.
I find excuses for all my behavior. I blame my environment, my work schedule, stress, friends, peers, family, the weather, the holidays, etc. I blame everything around me then I begin to bargain with myself. Excuses and bargaining go together so well in this situation.
“I had to eat out for lunch today because I forgot to pack a lunch because I was so tired this morning because I stayed up late to watch one more episode of “Jane the Virgin” but I will bring my lunch tomorrow, work out after work, and go to bed early tonight”
The problem was I rarely held up the end of the bargain where I do all the healthy, positive stuff. It quickly becomes a cycle, do something bad, promise myself I’ll do better but don’t follow through on the doing better part which leads to…..
I begin to feel sorry for myself. I began to look through pictures from the last year and was reminded of all my accomplishments. I began to look through my own blog posts and it reminded me of the actions I was taking, how I was feeling, and the promises I made to myself. I’m sad that I was doing so well but now I’m not, which leads me to where I’m today….
That place where I’m accepting the mistakes I made and looking at what needs to change. The place where I realize all is not lost.
I began to realize because of all the progress I made over the last year the foundation of my healthy lifestyle change is still there but needs some refreshing.
In addition to reading through some of my old posts I watched a documentary called “Fed Up” about childhood obesity. It was a good reminder to me about the problems with sugar and processed food. It was a good reminder about the importance of eating “real food” so that’s one of many things I’m going to be doing.
I woke up this morning feeling more determined than ever to get myself back on track.
This means reading labels, limiting processed foods, getting in 10,000 steps every day, and doing whatever else is necessary to get myself back on track toward a healthier lifestyle.
I’ve slipped up many times in the past and I’ll probably slip up again but I feel ready for change. I feel like I did when I first started my blog. I’m not sure if it’s the new year inspiring the change or if I simply feel like it’s time. I’ve reached a place where I’m comfortable in my new job and new home so now it’s time to focus more on my health.
I’ll also be writing more consistently because it’s one of the latest things I’ve added to my list of resolutions and more writing will help with less TV time (add that to the list as well 😉 ).
Meal Plan Monday will be back next week. This week is mostly the same as last week, still working my way through those ingredients with the additions of $4.00 worth of fruit and a bag of pretzels for snacking.
Hope everyone is having a lovely week!