I’m not but it’s easier to say that I’m fine than to admit I can’t handle things or simply that I might be feeling stressed or worried. Nope, everything is fine but I’m tired.
Yep, cheerleader crying in a car tired (Poor Quinn). The kind of tired where I use all of my energy trying to maintain my focus because when my brain is this tired it wanders. I become the person in a meeting pondering how many dots are on a ceiling tile, then when someone asks me a question I mumble something incoherent because I wasn’t paying attention at all.
I fall into the category of average when it comes to sleep, 7.5 to 8.5 hours of sleep is perfect, more or less and I’m in trouble. I can survive on 6 for a few nights but less than 6 hours of sleep a night and I go from crying cheerleader to full on toddler meltdown…
It’s not that I’m always not fine but this week lack of sleep but some random events have me feeling irritable and unfocused.
When someone asks how I’m feeling I say “fine” or “good” but I’m thinking:
“I’m worried about money” “I received a letter that someone had a piece of my mail so now I’m worried about identity theft” “I’m worried I’m not doing good enough at my job” “I’m concerned that I’m annoying my friends” “I think I really am turning into a crazy cat lady” “I don’t want to be alone forever” “I’m exhausted and would really like to take a nap” “I’m constantly questioning everything I’m doing with my life right now”
I’m wondering if it’s normal to feel like this sometimes, questioning, worrying, feeling anxious, feeling anything but fine. All the feelings make it difficult to concentrate plus I’m super grumpy and no one wants to be around a grump.
My hope is that I can get a good’s night sleep tonight. The last two nights have been filled with nightmares and restless sleep, and lack of sleep does not help any with my anxiety. I’ve been on the go this week so I think a night in with an early bedtime will help me to start truly feeling fine.
In pretending to be okay this week I began to think about how we’re kind of programmed to the responses of “fine” or “good” or “okay.” I’m not saying I want to unburden my soul on a coworker or the stranger who asks how I’m doing today but I can unburden part of my soul here and give myself some reality checks.
There’s tons of movement at work with people changing positions and that has me questioning what I’ll be doing in the future. Should I stay or should I go? I’ll stay with the company but just not sure if I want to stay in the same position. The reality check is my job is secure right now and I don’t have to decide right away.
A piece of my mail was found in a search with some people who who shouldn’t have had my mail. The reality check is it’s an account that can only be used in very specific locations, it happened 3 months ago, and everything is fine but I’ll be monitoring my finances a bit closer.
Most of the time I’m fine with the idea of being forever single and other days I create a checklist in my mind of all the reasons why I’m still single plus why I need to be in a relationship. I think it’s spending time with married couples….part of me wants what they have and part of me loves my freedom. The reality check is it’s a constant internal struggle.
Things really aren’t that bad. It’s just one of those weeks. They happen and I think some sleep will help. If sleep doesn’t help, the other good news is the week’s almost over 😀
Hopefully I can start feeling less like this….
And more like this…
Writing it out makes me feel better and the gifs make me want to finish up the last season of Parks and Rec 🙂
Feel free to comment and share your thoughts. How do you handle days or weeks when you’re not feeling fine? Do you isolate yourself? Do you vent to a friend? Do you write it out?