Holding it Together…

just barely.  I’m trying to catch up on Grey’s Anatomy in an effort to get in a much needed cry because I feel like I’ve been on the verge all day.  At one point today a few tears escaped but I covered…

tumblr_inline_nbgbs8v7mm1qlsangwearing contacts is like an instant excuse if you start to cry for a minute.  “I have something in my contacts” then run away.

My day started with a kid (maybe 18 or 19 I’m getting old so I’ve started referring to anyone I think might be under the age of 25 as kid) at the gas station asking me for a cigarette then a few minutes later asking me if I could buy him a cheap pack of cigarettes.  He looked at me with tears in his eyes, “I just made some mistakes.  I’m so stressed out.  I don’t know what to do.”  I deal with people like this everyday but he struck a nerve with me.

I told him I couldn’t buy him cigarettes, that I hoped things get better, and to not lose hope then I drove to Starbucks and bought coffee.  I almost went back to give him a couple dollars and my breakfast sandwich but didn’t see him when I went back that way.

I felt terrible.  It set the tone for the day.

Work was more dealing with people who make poor choices, many who are unwilling to change, and don’t seem to care.  Most days it is what it is but some days it’s sad.  Today was sad (Did I mention PMS is a factor? Stupid, evil hormones).  Today was a day I didn’t think I was going to make it through work but I did.  The bright side was the power went out about 15 minutes before it was time to go, hooray for leaving early.

After work I went in for the free orientation with a trainer at the gym thinking it would be a good stress relief plus everyone knows endorphins make you happy, right?tumblr_npjg29l3ex1r9n4hjo2_500

Part of the session involved stepping on a scale, which I haven’t done in months and getting my body fat measured….the fact that I didn’t burst into tears shows I have an inner strength I didn’t even know existed.

This was me on the outside.


This was me on the inside.


My body fat percentage is over 40%.  I knew it was bad but I didn’t know how bad.  If you don’t know how bad something is it’s easier to pretend it’s not a problem.  I knew I’d gained some weight but I hadn’t stepped on a scale in months so I didn’t know how much therefore not a real problem.

I’ve been confronted with the truth, and yes it hurt but now I’m at a new starting point.

At the point where I can once again start over and make changes.  I’m off to a good start this week with plans already in place for next week’s workouts because I’ve done this before I know I can do it again.  It’s not like last time I joined the gym when it’d been about a decade since I’d stepped foot into a gym.  This time I made it back in under a year.  Getting back into the gym felt natural so now it’s simply getting back into the routine.

Of course diet will go along with this and I’ll be trying out a new idea for lunches because that’s one of my biggest downfalls.  I’m easily tempted by those around me or tempted to eat out if I don’t bring a lunch so I have a plan.  I’m going to research some ideas for it but I might need some help with recipe ideas.

I feel bad about having to start over again but I’m human.  I make mistakes.  I try things and fail.  I have successes.  I change.  It’s how life goes.  Sometimes it’s a clear path to your goals but more likely there’s road bumps, detours, wrong turns, but if you persist you’ll make it to the goal.

Alright, enough gifs and cheesy metaphors about life being a road.  Hopefully everyone is excited for the weekend!  giphy



Meal Plan Monday

Last week I had to leave for training so much of my meal plan went out the window but the one thing I kept was making soup with the shiitake mushrooms I had on hand from the farmers market.  I chose to find a recipe I could make in the slow cooker on Saturday.

IMG_2780.JPGIt’s a pretty basic soup and actually tasted better last night when I ate it as leftovers.  Potatoes, carrots, beef, mushrooms, tomatoes, beef stock…a very hearty soup 🙂  My soups still aren’t outstanding and often feel like something is missing to make an amazing flavor profile (I watch Top Chef) but I keep trying.  I like soup and figure the more I make, the better they will get….well, that’s my theory anyways 😉

The other thing I want to work on with my soups is making smaller batches because this week my meal plan is basically:

Monday:  Soup

Tuesday:  Out for trivia

Wednesday:  Soup

Thursday:  Soup

Friday:  Soup? No.  Pasta with olive oil, spinach, and bacon

I forgot I bought this amazingly delicious garlic and mushroom olive oil at the farmer’s market.  I drizzled it on some bread the other day but I’m really looking forward to trying it with pasta.

I was going to make the pasta on Thursday but I have my free training session that day.  I’m very excited about getting back into the gym and to further solidify my commitment I’ve been telling everyone all  day about how I joined a gym.  The more people I tell the more I feel like I have to follow through even though I don’t think it’ll be a problem because I really want this change.

I’m worried that after a day at work I won’t feel like working out but I think after a few weeks I’ll settle into a routine.  I’m lucky because I get off work at 4 most days so I can beat the after work rush 😀  The other option is to go in the morning but I would have to go at 5AM so I’m thinking after work is going to work better for the moment.

I’ll keep you guys posted on how it goes.  My goal right now is 4 days a week, 3 days during the week then a weekend day if I don’t go hiking.

It’s time to grab my thinking cap and head off to trivia!  Hope the week is treating you well!


Successfully Adulting

I bought a couch!  IMG_2775As I was wondering through the furniture store I was wondering why every couch I found comfortable was brown.  I just didn’t see myself with a brown couch, gray or black maybe but not brown so I was thrilled when I heard this one came in red.  It was comfortable, affordable, and it came in a fun color.

I did have doubts about buying a red couch because I was worried about what people might think…….. 😕  As if society condemns people who buy bright colored furniture and honestly it’s burgundy, so not too crazy, lol.  I didn’t like the pillows it came with so I threw my leopard print pillows on there and LOVE IT!  It’s very me.

Plus it’s cat approved…IMG_2776

Continuing on with my trend of successful adulting I threw out a bunch of old makeup and bought a couple new items.  I was treating my makeup like clothes, even the stuff I bought, tried, and didn’t like I thought I might wear it someday…..even if I did want to wear it most of it was way too old to hang onto anymore plus if I’m in a situation where I need more glitter eye shadow I’ll spend the 99 cents 😉

It’s part of the cleaning process I’m getting ready to start.  While most people are boating or barbecuing for the holiday weekend I’m going to do some serious cleaning.  I’m coming up on the one year mark in my new place and instead of organizing the stuff I had I’ve simply started accumulating more stuff so it’s time for a purge.

I have a new bed, a new couch, solid plans to clean and organize this weekend, so going forward with the theme of change….

IMG_2779That’s right.  I joined a gym today.  It’s not the best but it’s better than I thought it would be for only $10 a month, plenty of machines, friendly people, and it’s clean so I didn’t let myself think about it too much.  I even set up my fitness consultation for later this week so I wouldn’t put off getting started.  Tomorrow is trivia but I already have a bag of workout clothes ready so I can go right after work on Wednesday.  One of the best parts is the gym is less than a mile from my work so distance is not an excuse I can use.

I’m not very happy with my body right now so I’m looking forward to getting back into working out and finding that happy place again 😀

It’s a time of change once again but that seems to be my life right now, constantly changing for the better!  inspiring