Holding it Together…

just barely.  I’m trying to catch up on Grey’s Anatomy in an effort to get in a much needed cry because I feel like I’ve been on the verge all day.  At one point today a few tears escaped but I covered…

tumblr_inline_nbgbs8v7mm1qlsangwearing contacts is like an instant excuse if you start to cry for a minute.  “I have something in my contacts” then run away.

My day started with a kid (maybe 18 or 19 I’m getting old so I’ve started referring to anyone I think might be under the age of 25 as kid) at the gas station asking me for a cigarette then a few minutes later asking me if I could buy him a cheap pack of cigarettes.  He looked at me with tears in his eyes, “I just made some mistakes.  I’m so stressed out.  I don’t know what to do.”  I deal with people like this everyday but he struck a nerve with me.

I told him I couldn’t buy him cigarettes, that I hoped things get better, and to not lose hope then I drove to Starbucks and bought coffee.  I almost went back to give him a couple dollars and my breakfast sandwich but didn’t see him when I went back that way.

I felt terrible.  It set the tone for the day.

Work was more dealing with people who make poor choices, many who are unwilling to change, and don’t seem to care.  Most days it is what it is but some days it’s sad.  Today was sad (Did I mention PMS is a factor? Stupid, evil hormones).  Today was a day I didn’t think I was going to make it through work but I did.  The bright side was the power went out about 15 minutes before it was time to go, hooray for leaving early.

After work I went in for the free orientation with a trainer at the gym thinking it would be a good stress relief plus everyone knows endorphins make you happy, right?tumblr_npjg29l3ex1r9n4hjo2_500

Part of the session involved stepping on a scale, which I haven’t done in months and getting my body fat measured….the fact that I didn’t burst into tears shows I have an inner strength I didn’t even know existed.

This was me on the outside.


This was me on the inside.


My body fat percentage is over 40%.  I knew it was bad but I didn’t know how bad.  If you don’t know how bad something is it’s easier to pretend it’s not a problem.  I knew I’d gained some weight but I hadn’t stepped on a scale in months so I didn’t know how much therefore not a real problem.

I’ve been confronted with the truth, and yes it hurt but now I’m at a new starting point.

At the point where I can once again start over and make changes.  I’m off to a good start this week with plans already in place for next week’s workouts because I’ve done this before I know I can do it again.  It’s not like last time I joined the gym when it’d been about a decade since I’d stepped foot into a gym.  This time I made it back in under a year.  Getting back into the gym felt natural so now it’s simply getting back into the routine.

Of course diet will go along with this and I’ll be trying out a new idea for lunches because that’s one of my biggest downfalls.  I’m easily tempted by those around me or tempted to eat out if I don’t bring a lunch so I have a plan.  I’m going to research some ideas for it but I might need some help with recipe ideas.

I feel bad about having to start over again but I’m human.  I make mistakes.  I try things and fail.  I have successes.  I change.  It’s how life goes.  Sometimes it’s a clear path to your goals but more likely there’s road bumps, detours, wrong turns, but if you persist you’ll make it to the goal.

Alright, enough gifs and cheesy metaphors about life being a road.  Hopefully everyone is excited for the weekend!  giphy



One comment

  1. youmeanme · May 27, 2016

    I hope today is better!
    Also loving the GIFs!
    We’re pretty big fans of rice bowls for quick healthy lunches. Currently we have one made with crushed Tomatoes, ground chicken, green beans and Italian seasoning.


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