Birds and Exciting News

The highlight of this morning, so far, is the arrival of a new bird on my balcony.  A Northern Flicker, a type of woodpecker.  I thought I spotted him yesterday but this morning was a couple of confirmed sightings and blurry pics.  Yep, I like watching birds.  Most of the time I just get the little ones but it’s exciting when I see a new one, hopefully I can get a good pic of him soon.

Anyways, that is not the exciting news I was going to share.

I got the job!!!  The job I applied for that moves me from a temporary employee to a permanent or regular employee!!  I realize I’m still low on the totem pole at work but at least I don’t have to worry about my job disappearing for any random reason with as little as one day’s notice 😮  That part was scary.

Now I can breath a little bit easier.

When I was applying for jobs it was such a struggle because I was going into a field where I had zero experience.  I recognized someone with even a month of experience would be placed ahead of me and it was tough.  I wanted to give up because I began to reach a point where I thought it was hopeless and I would end up like Matt Foley……

or going back to working in retail

I really didn’t want to do that so I’m beyond grateful that I was given an opportunity, a foot in the door to show that, despite my lack of experience in the field, I am capable of doing this job.  It was up to me to prove myself and getting this new position means I’ve done that, used my foot in the door to get myself all the way inside.  Yay!  😀

It’s easy for me to sometimes feel regret for not getting here sooner but maybe I wasn’t meant to be here sooner, maybe right now is the time I’m meant to be where I’m at in my life.  Talking with my mom I mentioned getting feedback on my last interview so next time I’m up for a promotion I will do better.  I got the job so I obviously did okay but the feedback is important because I know I want to stay on this career path.  I see potential and opportunities.  I can see myself working my way up and eventually retiring.  In my past job I didn’t see all those options so even though it’s taken 10 years longer than it should have I’m finally on the right path and continue to be excited for the future.

I’m doing my same job for the next couple of weeks then will begin to transition into my new position.  I’ll be in the same building, same office even just a different unit and I can’t wait to get started.  Along with this I’ll have some minor changes to my meal plans because I’ll be working an earlier shift so I might start adding in some breakfasts.  The best part is I think getting off work at 4 will make it easier to get in a workout at night because I’ll have an hour before dinner.

That’s my news so I’m off to plan my meals for the week, do laundry, and clean my apartment since yesterday I was glued to my couch all day.  Gray, rainy, dreary days just call for movies, popcorn, hot tea, heated blankets, and naps but the rain has lifted for the moment so I think I will unglue myself from the couch and maybe even venture outside for a bit.

Work, Work, Work

Sometimes I get so frustrated because I get scared and doubt myself.  I struggle to trust my own instincts and this week made me realize I need to do that, also I need to focus.  I don’t want to be selfish but I cannot worry about other people.  I have to worry about me.  

I need to focus on what I want to do with my career.
I already know I am a “rut person.”
I find a comfort zone and I settle.
I move in all my furniture.
I hang pictures on the wall.
I close the doors.
I burrow into my comfort zone and stop.

I’m not at a place in my career where I can stop.  I’m in a temporary position that can technically go away at any time with little to no notice.  This week I made some major steps toward finding my niche and also trying to make sure I end up with a permanent position in this department.

Even though I’ve only been in the job a couple of months I found my comfort zone, people I go to for questions, jobs I enjoy doing, and trying to find ways to avoid jobs I don’t like.  I’m forcing myself to step out of my comfort zone and over the next couple weeks I’m really going to work on standing out and stepping up.

Today I made progress by volunteering to help out with a group at work, possibly taking over the group by the end of the month so it will be mine to run.  I applied for another position and continue to hunt for more within the department (my boss already knows so it’s not like I’m sneaking around).  I asked about going with someone to learn more about their job just so I have a better idea of how all the processes tie together.

I’m refusing to let myself settle into a new comfort zone.

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This is the opportunity I wanted, the opportunity I received, and I don’t plan to blow it so I’m changing….

Next week I’m changing and leaping out of my comfort zone.  I recognize one of my challenges is finding my confidence, especially when I’m uncertain.  I tend to shy away from difficult situations when I need to confront them.  If I never make myself face challenges I’ll never conquer them so I’m off to enjoy the weekendbecause next week it’s back to work with a whole new attitude.  “The time to hesitate is through” 🙂
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The Workaholic Overachieving Perfectionist

We all have different traits that make up our personality.  Some are negative.  Some are positive. Many linger in a gray zone in-between where too much of it turns it from a positive to a negative. The ones listed below are some that I struggle to keep in the positive zone.

Attention to detail=Perfectionist

Competitive=Over-Achiever

Hard worker=Workaholic

Both of these can mean the same thing but the ones on the right tend to have negative connotations,for example, when I apply for a job I don’t say I’m a perfectionist I say I have an attention to detail.  It sounds nicer.  Perfectionist brings to mind someone obsessively trying to make everything exactly as it should be with little to no room for error…..that’s me.

I have relaxed some, learning to pick and choose my moments when my “attention to detail” is needed and when I can say, “It’s not perfect and that’s okay”  I realize sometimes I expend too much energy into creating the vision in my head instead of accepting what’s in front of me and recognizing everything doesn’t have to be perfect all the time.

I’m competitive.  I realized I might be overly competitive, perhaps going into that over-achiever side, when I was talking to my boss this week.  I volunteered to put together a bulletin board for the monthly topic.  Everyone grumbles about it but I love the creative aspect of the project and I expressed this to my boss.  She described a past employee who also enjoyed creating the boards, pointing out some of this employee’s boards that are still up in the building.  I said “I’ll have to check them out so I know what I need to beat”  She said “You don’t need to beat anything”  I said, “Of course not, ha ha ha” but in my mind I was thinking “My bulletin board will be the greatest decorated bulletin board this office has ever seen” *Insert maniacal laugh here*

I know some part of it is because I’m a new employee and feel like I have something to prove but it’s also just kind of how I’ve always been, wanting to be the best.  I also want to do everything I can to be part of the team.

I feel guilty working only 40 hours.  I feel guilty taking an hour lunch.  I feel guilty being the person leaving on time every night.  I feel guilty because I’m still learning at my job so I sometimes feel like I’m not pulling my weight.  I am a workaholic.

When I walk out the door at 5:00 and see people still at their desks I get a sinking feeling in my stomach like maybe I should still be at my desk but I’m learning to accept my workday ends at 5:00.  If I need to stay late, I will but if I don’t I go home and that’s okay.  I’m still learning my job.  Everything I do is a learning experience.  I’m working hard to learn everything I can but it takes time.  I’ve been there for a little over one month so the fact that I don’t know everything is OKAY (I put that in capital letters so it will hopefully sink in) and is expected.

It all ties together for me.  I get frustrated because I don’t know everything, so I mess up which drives the perfectionist in me crazy, and makes me realize I’m not the best at my job right now.  I keep reminding myself I’m new to this career and it will take time to learn so I’m trying to be patient (add impatient to my list of negative personality traits) but it’s not always easy.

I’m sure I will continue to struggle with these traits but I feel like recognizing them is a component to keeping them on the positive side of the spectrum, although I’m stick working on creating the best bulletin board ever 😉