This morning on the heels of yesterday’s borderline anxiety attack I finally made a decision about my career.
I woke up this morning lacking the motivation or the will to get moving, settled into an attitude of “What’s the point?” Thankfully the voice of reason and some small voice of motivation kicked in reminding me that I’m not ready to give up or simply allow myself to give into my emotions. Despite feeling discouraged I can’t allow myself to lay in bed all day watching reality shows on Bravo (Seriously, the housewives fascinate and terrify me. They all have so much surgery you can barely tell them apart, it’s frightening, like a real Stepford Wives) and feeling sorry for myself.
I need to get back to work.
I’m going crazy not working.
I love all the free time but I also hate all the free time plus I’m starting to feel like I’m descending back into a rut.
My definition of a rut in life: A comfortable place where you don’t have to make any big decisions, where you just ride through life without forward momentum but it’s warm, cozy, and safe so you stay.
Right now I’m not settled in the rut but I’m definitely starting to hang out there more often so it’s time to be brave, make decisions, and move forward. I make it sound like I’m off to slay a dragon, climb a mountain, or begin an epic quest but I’ve simply decided to get a part time job and actually already applied for something this morning that fits with the direction I want to go with my career.
I still feel anxious because with any decision there’s almost always some seeds of doubts where you wonder if you made the right choice but I have to remind myself I’m not committing to anything right now I’m just trying something to see what happens. I might not hear anything back from the part time jobs or I might find something perfect or I might end up finding a full time job or the part time job might lead to a full time job or I might realize I have no idea what will happen in the future but I know if I don’t try something different nothing will change.
Despite the anxiety it feels good to finally make a decision. I realized with the extreme time frames on the government jobs I’m applying for it could be another 2 months or more before I hear anything. In the meantime bills continue to come in, rent must be paid, groceries, food for James the cat, etc. and my unemployment does not last forever.
As I’m writing this I receive 2 rejection emails 😦 but I’m resigned to staying positive today. *Here’s a side note about the extreme time frames, the one job I received an email about I applied for in March!* I’m putting a positive spin on it, these emails serve as a reminder as to why I made the decision to pursue a part-time job. This process is taking a long time and there will be rejections but at least finding something part-time will allow me to continue to pursue full-time jobs and could even lead to something full-time.
Also, I’m continuing to pursue photography and was given some great ideas yesterday from my friend plus after some research I’m looking into other ways to start selling my work. That is something I’m working on this afternoon. I dedicated most of the afternoon to photography, editing, cleaning up my files, backing up files (my biggest fear is losing my work), and seeing what I can do to potentially make some money.
I’m still nervous and anxious about what I’m going to do but making this decision today gives me comfort and direction. I’ve been kind of aimlessly going through the motions too scared to make a choice but it feels good to finally pick a direction and take a step. I’m hoping to find something in the field I want to go into so I can get some experience but also keeping an eye out for other opportunities, trying to avoid retail….but that option is there if needed.
Keep your fingers crossed for me! 😀
Also, started the #100HappyDays Challenge today on Instagram, daisy9979 with James the Cat 🐱 peacefully napping on my arm this morning while I was typing away (yes, I know I’m a crazy cat lady but even when he’s walking across the keyboard or knocking things off the counter he still makes me happy).
It’s a bit cheesy but I like the challenge and look forward to seeing what I can come up with for the next 99 days 🙂