Back on Track

We all get derailed from time to time, facing periods where motivation becomes nonexistent, and curling up in bed away from the rest of the world seems like the best option but hopefully these times are fleeting lasting no more than a couple days before you pull yourself up ready to take on the world once again.

I’m definitely ready.

Yesterday I woke up feeling infinitely better than I did a couple days ago and ready to tackle the many to-dos that had been piling up while I was busy staring out the window.  Also my appetite is back with a vengeance and I’m back to eating 3 meals a day plus 1-2 snacks throughout the day, which I’m sure is helping with my energy.

If I’m being totally honest some of my old mindsets crept back in from a dark corner of my mind when I wasn’t seeing results from working out.

My old mindset being if I just eat less I will lose weight so I was back to 1-2 meals a day, which as I quickly discovered does nothing for me other than increase my cravings for bad food and improve my likelihood of binge eating.  When I didn’t see results I allowed myself to think maybe now that I’m working out if I just cut back on meals (don’t eat) I’ll lose weight, even though I know that doesn’t work.

My body quickly reminded me that working out for 1 to 1.5 hours a day on a protein bar and one meal all day wasn’t working as evidenced by my lack of motivation and energy.  Lack of energy also had me skip the gym for 3 days and when I did go back I didn’t feel as driven to keep going.  I was back to watching my time on the treadmill and almost quit after only 10 minutes when I’ve been consistently doing at least 30.

It was scary that I was able to slip back into that old mindset so easily but the happy ending to this part of my story is I was able to recognize what I was doing and chose to not settle back into bad habits.  I’ve been to the gym 3 days this week and plan on getting in a quick workout tomorrow before I head home for the weekend where I plan on eating and maybe trying to get in a walk or two since I won’t be near a gym.

I’ve talked about this extensively but I really believe my ability to get back on track comes from the fact that I’m not embracing any diet trend or looking for a quick fix (even though, as evidenced in this post, it’s super challenging for me to be patient) but I’m focusing on long-term change, changing how I eat, developing exercise habits, changing my entire lifestyle.

Do I have it all figured out?  Definitely not.

Will I continue to have periodic setbacks?  Probably.

Will I continue to work hard?  Yes.

Will I eventually reach my goal?  Definitely.

Loss of Motivation

I have lost my motivation.

Most of my day has been spent staring out the window or my computer screen.  I did make it to the gym this morning after 3 days off but it was a challenge to get moving.  I keep hoping I will get some burst of energy that will inspire me to do all the things I need to get done before this weekend but it’s not happening.  I was hoping writing a post would at least make me focus on something for a bit but I keep stopping to stare out the window.

*leaves to get snack*

Maybe hunger was part of the problem, unfortunately I’m still struggling with my eating but I planned out my dinners for the rest of the week so hopefully that will help get me back on track.  Last week I just wasn’t hungry but this week my appetite seems to be back along with a strange craving for red meat.

I could probably be a vegetarian with minimal effort, although I love chicken and fish plus every so often I really want a hamburger.  I know when I’m craving red meat it’s usually because I’m not getting enough iron, which might also explain the lack of motivation.  This is why I like writing because sometimes writing things out helps me find solutions.  I need to take a closer look at my diet, so I’ve started tracking my food again plus taking a multi-vitamin and vitamin D (I have a serious vitamin D deficiency but I also hate taking pills so I slack sometimes).

I’m excited to go home this weekend for to watch the Oscars, also my mom and I are going to a musical called “Memphis”.  It’s one I don’t know much about but sometimes those are the best ones.  I’ve got some games I’m putting together for our Oscar viewing party so I wanted to get that finished up today; however I’m still fighting the urge to go lay on the couch and read my book (Game of Thrones, I’m obsessed).

I’m just feeling overwhelmed thinking about all the decisions I need to make, waiting to hear back from jobs, tracking my finances to see how long I can stay unemployed, cleaning stuff out of my apartment, trying to pack and clean some so I don’t have to try to do everything when I finally figure out a plan, working out and eating right, planning the Oscars party, going out of town, applying for jobs, etc.  It’s a combination of the big things and small things, making me feel so scattered and unfocused that I just want to stop.

I think I’m going to finish up a few more things, write up a to-do list for tomorrow, and give into that urge, also tracking down some lunch sounds like a good plan.  The to-do list for tomorrow will be packed since I didn’t get much done today but I’m confident by tomorrow I will have found my motivation.

The Mundane Details of the Day

I’m starting to feel a bit crazy because I go through periods of excited and hopeful to periods of feeling hopeless but whenever I start to feel too out of control I turn to writing.  Before deciding I should write a blog post today I was aimlessly perusing the internet under the guise of job hunting but I was mostly playing on Facebook and cleaning up my email.

I couldn’t get myself motivated.  For some reason writing out some of my thoughts helps me to focus, even if it’s just writing about the mundane details of my day, so here goes….

I did manage to make it to the gym and do laundry today.  The nice part is I work out early enough in the morning that there’s usually no one else doing laundry.  I can put my clothes in the wash, and go work out without feeling like a jerk for leaving my clothes in when other people want to use the washers or coming back to find all my wet clothes piled in my laundry basket (which I hate).

Knowing my clothes would be done in about 30 minutes I decide to limit myself to a 30 minute cardio session but time can be a bit of a struggle for me especially since I’ve started looking at miles.  My average is about 45 minutes to do 2 miles but I’ve been working on improving that time so I pushed myself to do 2 miles today.  It took 37 minutes, which is one step closer to my goal of a 15 minute mile.  I’m whittling my time down minute by minute.

One of my biggest hurdles to overcome and I’m sure it’s one that every workout newbie (or anyone) struggles with is comparison.  Part of this is just some of my personality traits coming into play, namely the perfectionist and my super competitive side.  One of my ways to combat this is to compete with myself and just work on pushing myself to do better this week than I did last week.

Checking my handy cardio spreadsheet I’ve put in the same amount of miles in less time so I’m picking up the pace and I’m hoping I’ll make it into the gym for one more day this week for at least one more mile.  I would love to get in two but we’ll see how my feet and legs are feeling tomorrow because today my legs are sore and I need to put a bandage on a blister.  Despite the soreness and the blisters I still love working out, even getting to the point where I can’t imagine being without it.

I’m hoping tomorrow I’ll be a bit more focused because I actually have a list of things I want to get done before I head home next weekend for my Oscars Party.  I’m really looking forward to it but need to get some stuff before I go so that needs to be my motivation over the next week.  Must focus.