Meal Plan Monday

I was really beating myself up for taking time off last week but when I looked at the week on my FitBit app I didn’t feel too bad.  I had a kick-ass Sunday with over 20,000 steps.  I went to the gym Monday, Wednesday, and Friday then took Tuesday and Thursday off.  I walked 5+ miles each of my gym days, so not too shabby.

I think I was close to 80,000 steps for the week.

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The challenges really push me to do more.  I know I wouldn’t have made it to the gym  consistently if I wasn’t in a challenge.   I’m in 2 Work Week Hustle Challenges this week on FitBit.

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I love and hate the challenges because they push me and make me crazy, so………one of my goals this week is to not make myself super crazy trying to beat everyone, recognize my own accomplishments, and push myself to do just a little bit better every week.

Onto the food….

I’ve been good and bad.  For some reason my junk food cravings are off the chart. I want to go to the drive thru and order enough food for 2 meals.  I’ve been wanting to binge eat, just eat everything in sight.

My theory right now is stress.

Last week a friend revealed on Facebook she had been raped a few weeks ago.  A friend shared information about her marriage that was very sad.  My own personal family worries.  On top of that I deal with dark, heavy topics at work all day.  I can’t lie.  I think everything got to me last week and I wanted to turn to food for comfort.

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Thankfully I didn’t go that route, except for that small bag of cheetos and an oversized bowl of pasta one afternoon.  I tried to hide myself from the world

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but after dinner with a friend last night and a phone conversation with another today I feel so much better.  I have to remind myself constantly to not internalize everything.  The weight of the world doesn’t have to be on my shoulders because I’m lucky enough to have some amazing people to help me out.

Meal Plan Monday post went a bit deeper than I planned for it to go but it is what it is 🙂

Some of the prep I’ve done this week:

I cooked 2 chicken breasts tonight that will last me dinners and lunches until Thursday.  I cut up 2 cucumbers for snacks and lunches, also finishing off the giant container of cherry tomatoes I bought.  Cutting up a head of cauliflower and broccoli tomorrow night for snacking and for dinner later in the week.

Throwing away some strawberries…I rarely eat them, why do I buy them so consistently? . Also, some eggs.  If I’m going to buy the big pack at Costco I need to boil some and make some ahead of time for workweek breakfasts.

I’m once again taking a closer look at my budget and reigning in the expenses but that’s something for another post.  Have a great week!!

Monday
Chicken-I ended up on the phone for over an hour with a friend while snacking on pieces cut off a chicken breast, now it’s after 8:00 so I don’t want to eat a whole meal.  I’m going to have a snack then head to bed.  Monday’s meal moves to Wednesday.

Tuesday
Out for Dinner

Wednesday
Chicken stir fry-I bought a big bag of stir fry veggies from Costco and I’m thinking this will last me for many, many meals.

Thursday
Baked potato and sausage

Friday
Cauliflower pizza

I’m fine but….

I’m not but it’s easier to say that I’m fine than to admit I can’t handle things or simply that I might be feeling stressed or worried.  Nope, everything is fine but I’m tired.  giphy80

Yep, cheerleader crying in a car tired (Poor Quinn).  The kind of tired where I use all of my energy trying to maintain my focus because when my brain is this tired it wanders.  I become the person in a meeting pondering how many dots are on a ceiling tile, then when someone asks me a question I mumble something incoherent because I wasn’t paying attention at all.

I fall into the category of average when it comes to sleep, 7.5 to 8.5 hours of sleep is perfect, more or less and I’m in trouble.  I can survive on 6 for a few nights but less than 6 hours of sleep a night and I go from crying cheerleader to full on toddler meltdown…8cbe41_229a73079d5a4f8687a10fa57270b5d8

It’s not that I’m always not fine but this week lack of sleep but some random events have me feeling irritable and unfocused.

When someone asks how I’m feeling I say “fine” or “good” but I’m thinking:

“I’m worried about money”  “I received a letter that someone had a piece of my mail so now I’m worried about identity theft”  “I’m worried I’m not doing good enough at my job”  “I’m concerned that I’m annoying my friends”  “I think I really am turning into a crazy cat lady”  “I don’t want to be alone forever”  “I’m exhausted and would really like to take a nap”  “I’m constantly questioning everything I’m doing with my life right now”  

I’m wondering if it’s normal to feel like this sometimes, questioning, worrying, feeling anxious, feeling anything but fine.  All the feelings make it difficult to concentrate plus I’m super grumpy and no one wants to be around a grump.

My hope is that I can get a good’s night sleep tonight.  The last two nights have been filled with nightmares and restless sleep, and lack of sleep does not help any with my anxiety.  tumblr_mrxr4mctjq1qmb7u4o3_400_zps3c1898c8I’ve been on the go this week so I think a night in with an early bedtime will help me to start truly feeling fine.

In pretending to be okay this week I began to think about how we’re kind of programmed to the responses of “fine” or “good” or “okay.”  I’m not saying I want to unburden my soul on a coworker or the stranger who asks how I’m doing today but I can unburden part of my soul here and give myself some reality checks.

There’s tons of movement at work with people changing positions and that has me questioning what I’ll be doing in the future.  Should I stay or should I go?  I’ll stay with the company but just not sure if I want to stay in the same position.  The reality check is my job is secure right now and I don’t have to decide right away.

A piece of my mail was found in a search with some people who who shouldn’t have had my mail.  The reality check is it’s an account that can only be used in very specific locations, it happened 3 months ago, and everything is fine but I’ll be monitoring my finances a bit closer.

Most of the time I’m fine with the idea of being forever single and other days I create a checklist in my mind of all the reasons why I’m still single plus why I need to be in a relationship.  I think it’s spending time with married couples….part of me wants what they have and part of me loves my freedom.  The reality check is it’s a constant internal struggle.

Things really aren’t that bad.  It’s just one of those weeks.  They happen and I think some sleep will help.  If sleep doesn’t help, the other good news is the week’s almost over 😀

Hopefully I can start feeling less like this….april-gif_470x236

And more like this…

dancingdrunk_ronWriting it out makes me feel better and the gifs make me want to finish up the last season of Parks and Rec 🙂

Feel free to comment and share your thoughts.  How do you handle days or weeks when you’re not feeling fine?  Do you isolate yourself?  Do you vent to a friend?  Do you write it out?

 

Frustration

A bit off track from the usual blogging fare but I like to mix it up and sometimes writing is like therapy so this is my session 🙂

I used to joke about not having any feelings, especially at work.  It’s mostly because sometimes I think I have too many feelings and if I acknowledge all of them I don’t think I would get through life without some kind of daily breakdown.

Today I was affected.  I cried.

It’s difficult to not be affected by the stories I hear day in and day out.  Some are lies.  Some tears are crocodile tears.  Some are the truth and the tears are real.  It’s frustrating to see someone lacking the ability to get out of their own way, to lack the ability to take accountability for their actions, or find a way to constantly shift the blame to someone else.

“This person didn’t do this for me…” “I couldn’t…”  “I can’t….”  “It’s too difficult to….

” No one told me to do this..”  “I didn’t know”  

I think it’s not just the lack of accountability but the constant presence of negativity.  When your life is surrounded by negativity I can understand why it might be difficult to see a light at the end of the tunnel.  As a generally optimistic person I struggle to understand the thought process of someone who genuinely believes themselves to be incapable of change.

The defeatist attitude.  The blamer.  

These are the most challenging personalities I deal with in my job.  The thought processes are so far outside of my own thought process it’s difficult to relate.  I’m a planner.  I’m an optimist.  I’m accountable for my mistakes.

If I’m in a negative situation I might try to avoid it for a minute but I know the best way to handle a mistake or negative situation is to face it, own it, and figure out the next step.  What are the consequences?  Can I fix it?  Can I learn from it?

Avoiding a situation rarely makes it better and from my experience you learn from your mistakes.  I think the more often you own up to your mistakes and take accountability the less likely you are to make the same mistake.  This isn’t to say you won’t ever make the same mistake again but you’ll remember that you survived your mistake and you were able to handle the consequences.

Even in dark times when I’ve thought all was lost I knew things would get better if I put in the effort to make things better.  I also assess all the positives even the simple ones like, “I’m still breathing and healthy enough to keep moving.”  As long I’m breathing and moving I know I can makes things better so I struggle when dealing with people who don’t see that simple fact.  I’m not saying it’s easy but it’s possible.

I also know everyone has a different perspective and you don’t always know until you’ve walked in someone else’s shoes.

I think I was already feeling a little down today and the first couple interactions of the day were so heartbreaking I was having a hard time bouncing back.  It also didn’t help that I didn’t complete a task I was sent to do because I was affected so I felt bad about my work performance.  I really just wanted to retreat but I survived the rest of the day.

I already know tomorrow will be a better day.  It’s FRIDAY!  The weekend is almost upon us.  For tonight I’m going to have a good cry, allow myself to wallow in my sadness for the moment, release the emotions, and move forward.

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