Little White Lies

Do you ever lie to yourself?  I do and if you say you don’t you might be lying right now.

I allowed myself to almost fully immerse back into my bad habits with the help of a few little white lies.

“Eating Wendy’s one day isn’t too bad.  I don’t want to seem antisocial and I’ll bring a healthy lunch tomorrow.”
“Eating a few pieces of candy every single day at my desk isn’t bad, little treats are okay.”
“It’s a cream cheese based dip but it has spinach and I’m eating it with vegetables”
“It’s Halloween.  Everyone is having candy.”
“It’s okay to eat tacos at the bar even though I had a huge meal at the potluck for lunch.  I’ll get back on track tomorrow.”

It all boils down to rationalizing, going with the crowd, and making promises to myself that I rarely keep.  Promises of tomorrows and healthy lunches.

This morning as I put on my previously loved lucky interview pants I realized they did not fit as well as they did at that first interview.  They still fit but they’re definitely a bit more snug in the waist band.  I pulled out the evil scale because despite my aversion to it, sometimes it is necessary.  For the last week or so it hasn’t been hiding it to stop myself from obsessing, it’s been avoiding it so I don’t have to see the truth.  I stepped on and the truth was revealed…..

Grazing on food all day
+ Ignoring sugar content
+ Meals out
+ Inconsistent work outs
= 6 pounds

It’s not the end of the world and I’m not one to completely beat myself up but I do have to be honest with myself about my habits.  I allowed myself to just eat whatever I wanted because it was there instead of choosing the right foods. I’m not making excuses but working in an office there really is food everywhere, almost all the time.  Yesterday there was a fundraiser for a food bank and they were selling caramel apples.  I knew it wasn’t a good idea but it looked so delicious and everyone else was buying one so I caved because I wanted it.  It was way too sweet and I only ate about a quarter of it but I really didn’t need it at all.  Potlucks, cookies, doughnuts, random snacks, plus I have my own office and desk so I can snack whenever I want, temptation is everywhere but I have to get back to resisting that temptation and making better choices.

This morning I looked in my fridge I had to accept that this embarrassing mess is part of the problem.

IMG_0307

When I looked into this fridge yesterday I had no idea what to grab for lunch partially because it was tough to even see what was in there, so tonight that is at the top of the to-do list.  From there it’s making meal plans for the week, cleaning out the snack drawer at work, and not just going with the crowd for lunch at work.  If everyone else goes out to eat I can just say “Let me know when you’re back and I’ll eat with you because I brought my lunch.”  It’s all about choices and for me, being honest with myself.

I’ll have another post about working out and my plan of attack for improving that aspect of my lifestyle but right now it’s really the food that I need to get back in line with so I will definitely have meal plans on Monday and hopefully a cleaner fridge….

On a happier note…..It’s finally Friday!!!!

Damn the Scale!

Ugh….I haven’t let the scale bring me down this much in ages.  I actually quit weighing myself for awhile, maybe once a week or once every other week but I’d released myself from daily weigh-ins.  I feel like I’ve reached a place where I understand my body enough to recognize changes.  The one week I gained 3 lbs but I knew that before I stepped on the scale but I lost it again and have been steadily maintaining my weight, no loss, no gain.

I’ve been doing measurements and counting on how my clothes fit to guide me but yesterday morning I decided to pull out the scale. I wanted to set a new goal to help push myself to work out more often (still struggling with it but that’s another post).

It showed a number I haven’t seen in almost 2 months and I might have felt it a little bit but not 7lbs.
My clothes still fit.  The day before I was admiring how great I look in my new jeans, which were 2 sizes down from what I was a few months ago.  I was also admiring my whittled down waist line earlier this week.  I felt good.

Yesterday as I dressed for work I found my confidence wavering because of the number on the scale.

This is how psychological body image can be because I felt fine the day before, felt fine yesterday morning until I did my weigh-in then I decided to start analyzing every part of my body.  I quit thinking about how I felt, what I saw in the mirror, all I could see was the number.  I had even done measurements the day before but the almighty scale told me how what my body really looked like to the world.

It’s ridiculous.

The rational part of my mind knows I might simply be bloated and I should also recognize the reliability of that scale is questionable.  I’m frustrated with myself for even allowing it to get to me so much but I guess I still struggle to turn off the part of my brain that equates that number on the scale with how I feel when ultimately it shouldn’t matter.

And it doesn’t.  I got myself dressed for work yesterday morning, looked at myself in the mirror, and liked what I saw so I decided that number doesn’t really matter.  If my measurements aren’t changing, if my clothes are fitting, if I’m feeling confident in my own skin then….

Damn the Scale!

I’ve tucked it back away in it’s corner and will take it out again…someday, maybe 😉  or perhaps I’ll simple let it collect dust in the corner.  I’ll count on measurements and how my clothes fit to track changes in my body but mostly I’ll just focus on how I feel, which today is happy and confident.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!!

Stepping onto my Soapbox

This morning was like other mornings, get up, feed cat, curl back up in bed with my phone.  I check out Facebook and the first thing that catches my eye is a video of Lane Bryant’s new ad campaign featuring #Plusisequal.

I love this ad and the message.  Plus size women can be fashionable, stylish, and most importantly proud and confident.

Against my better judgement I decide to check out the comments even though I know most online commentators are people whose sole purpose seems to be agitating other people and stirring up drama.  Thankfully most of the comments on this one are positive sprinkled with a few people complaining that the ad is discriminating against them, doesn’t represent all body types, blah, blah, blah……it’s impossible to please everyone.

The other negatives are people who claim the ad is promoting obesity and unhealthy lifestyles 😕  The ad is not about physical health but mental health, positive body image, and selling clothes (it is an advertisement). These women are showing it’s possible to be sexy, confident, and happy no matter your size.

On the flip side I’m not going to watch a Victoria’s Secret ad and say all those women are starving themselves and unhealthy because I don’t know them.  It goes both ways and it’s nice to have representation of all different body types in the media but people still struggle to understand a simple point, everyone doesn’t have to fit into one mold to be healthy.

Skinny does not automatically equal healthy.  Overweight does not automatically indicate unhealthy. And vice versa.  Basically, you cannot always look at a person and know whether they’re healthy or unhealthy……  

It was fitting that I scrolled down a bit further in my feed to see this story proving exactly what I say above.

I also started following her blog, Fat Girl Running.

One woman might be overweight but runs 2 miles every day and has no health concerns.  Another woman might be skinny but eats fast food several times a week and has high cholesterol. These examples could be reversed but the message behind the examples is you don’t know someone’s health at a glance.  I don’t know if the skinny woman I see walking down the street works out consistently or if she gets winded walking up 2 flights of stairs.  I don’t know if the overweight woman buying ice cream will be eating the whole pint or if she eats healthy but allows herself a treat (like me).

You don’t know a person’s story unless you go beyond the glance.  I believe we need to continue to support the message that your body type doesn’t have to fit into a specific mold in order for you to live a healthy, active lifestyle and have confidence in your body.

Every body is different.  Be happy, Be healthy, and love what makes you, YOU.