Falling off the Face of the Earth

Dear Readers,

I hope there’s still some out there because it feels like forever since I’ve posted anything.  I sort of fell off the face of the Earth.  I was busy then I was lazy….I lost interest.

It struck me the other day that part of the reason I lost interest was because some of the core topics of my blog were being ignored in my life, health, wellness, working out, changing, health, eating healthy….Did I mention health?

Here’s the confessions:

I haven’t been to the gym in 2 weeks.  

I haven’t been planning meals.  

I haven’t been planning my grocery shopping.  

I’ve been skipping meals and binging (See above for reasons)

I’ve been eating out several times a week.

I’ve been ignoring my blog.   

I haven’t been feeling great.  

I’ve been feeling tired and my jeans are feeling tight.  

I decided it’s time for all of that to end.  

My revelation came yesterday when I realized I’d skipped lunch 3/5 days this week.  I also stopped to think about what I’d eaten for dinner this week.  This is what my eating looks like when I don’t plan my meals:

Monday I ate chicken sandwich and fries from Burger King for dinner.  Tuesday I ate a Caesar Chicken Wrap at trivia.  Wednesday I ate a frozen pizza.  Tonight I went out for Chinese.  Tomorrow I’ll be eating Chinese leftovers and cleaning out the fridge.

Starting on Monday I’m back on track.  I know you don’t have to wait until Monday but I’m going to be honest and say it’s the best time for me.  I’m spending my weekend partying in downtown Seattle.  I’m not going to kid myself about the food and drinks I will be consuming.  I’m not saying it’s going to be a free for all but……I’ll just say it’s best to begin this plan on Monday 😉

Things that begin on Monday August 29th: 

1 Post every day for 30 days starting with the return of Meal Plan Monday

Meal plans every week with breakfast, lunch and dinner

No grocery shopping without a list

Limit eating out!  

Minimum of 3 days per week at the gym

I’ve fallen off the track before and there’s no guarantee I won’t do it again but I think each time it takes me less time to get back on track.  I think once I get back to planning meals everything else will fall back into place.

I’ll be posting on the progress of this process. Thanks to everyone for reading!  The blog and blogger will be back on Monday ready to start the next chapter!

Your goals are the road maps that guide

Changing My Ways

….or trying to anyways.

I’m starting my new position at the end of next week so I’m trying to write all the reports I’ve already been assigned so I don’t have to pass off my work to anyone else.  I’m very eager to start this new job.  I love the job I’m doing now, love the people I’m working with, and I haven’t really been in the position long enough to feel bored but this change is exciting.

Starting a new job gives you an opportunity to evaluate yourself.

New challenges are refreshing and invigorating. Working with new people in a new environment doing a job that’s so vastly different from what you’ve done all your life makes you recognize both your strengths and weaknesses.  I realize one of my struggles is a fear of failure and fear of making mistakes.  The perfectionist in me is terrified of saying the wrong thing, writing the wrong thing in an email or report, missing a deadline, missing a step in some process, asking a silly question, etc…

Recognizing this in myself reminds me why being a perfectionist is both a strength and a weakness.  It sometimes causes me to hesitate, to question myself, to dwell and to worry.  I try to plan for everything in a job where the next step often depends on the behavior of other people, which is not always predictable.  I often talk about my rational and irrational mind. Rationally, I know mistakes happen, everyone makes mistakes sometimes but in my irrational mind mistakes are unacceptable.  I used to think it was just a fear of getting in trouble but I realize it’s much deeper than that, it’s a fear of disappointing other people, fear of disappointing myself.

On performance reviews at my previous jobs the areas I always needed to work on were delegation (How can a perfectionist trust someone else to do something?) and decision-making (I was told to trust myself and my decision making process).  Sadly these things are still an issue for me but I feel like I’m finally at the place in my life where I can make progress on changing these things about myself.

Will I ever completely give up my perfectionist, control freak ways?  No, but I can allow myself to make mistakes sometimes just to show myself that I will survive.  I can try to worry less about making the wrong decision and learn to trust my instincts.  People put me in the job I’m in right now because they trust my abilities so I need to have faith in my own ability and be confident.

Feel free to share your thoughts.  Any fellow perfectionists out there who face the same struggles?  Or maybe some who have found a way to let go of some of the need for perfection?

Whiny Weight Gain Wednesday

Ugggghhhhh……I’m skipping Working Wardrobe Wednesday this week because I ran into a bit of a snag this week. I realized 2 things this morning as I began to pile hangers and discarded clothes onto my bed.

  1.  I realized planning my wardrobe for the week really is a good idea.
  2. I realized I was facing the same dilemma as Austin Powers faced in one of his movies,

“I lost my mojo”

mojo

Perhaps Dr. Evil stole it……(Now I just want to watch Austin Powers movies)  Anyways, I’ve been feeling super cute and confident in all my work clothes over the last few weeks but this week I felt like I’d lost my mojo, or my groove, or whatever you choose to call it.

Gone was the confidence replaced with feeling like a short, boring, blob.  I tried on at least 4 different outfits this morning and hated all of them even outfits I’d loved in the past were discarded to the rejection pile.  I proclaimed each outfit to be more dreary than the next

I’ve been racking my brain all morning trying to figure out what’s going on with me.  I’ve finally come to the conclusion that I might simply be having an off week.  There’s no rule that says because I have confidence in myself I’m not going to ever feel any shred of doubt or have days where I feel fat or unattractive.  I was going to say ugly but I find that word to be so harsh and I don’t really feel ugly just not well put together, a little “off my game” lol.

Today I’ve resigned myself to gray slacks, black thermal, and the same dark purple cardigan I wore yesterday.

Warm, comfortable, and a bit dreary…….


That was yesterday.

This morning I felt the weight gain before I even pulled out the scale.  I don’t know why but I feel like I have a better understanding of my body now to the point where I could tell I had gained about 3 pounds.  Poor eating habits over the weekend trickled over into the first part of the week, not completely but I definitely had a few things I knew I should be avoiding.  Also, I haven’t been working out consistently.

The sad part was what happened this morning.  I stepped on the scale, saw that I had gained 3 pounds, and the first words out of my mouth were “I guess I need to quit eating” o_O  Not, “I should probably get off my ass at night or in the morning and work out” or “Maybe I shouldn’t have eaten 3 slices of pizza for dinner last night” or “I need to start walking more”

Nope, it was that I should stop eating.  That makes sense 🙄

Instead of thinking about the healthy changes I could make in my life I decided in that instant the best choice was to cut off all forms of nourishment.  I know it was an exaggeration but right after I said it I realized I still have a ways to go in changing my mindset.

Plan of action is to get the eating fully back on track, reading labels, watching sugars, not allowing myself to fall into the quick, easy, processed food trap (it’s so easy when you’re busy and working), and start trying some new foods again.  I’m in a new city with a greater variety of grocery shopping locations, plus being in a different region gives me food options I wouldn’t find in other places.  For example, close to the ocean means lots of seafood options so I need to start checking out new recipes.

Also, get into some kind of workout routine!!!!!

It really is challenging because after work I don’t feel like doing anything but I know I would feel better if I worked out so I think I might give early morning workouts a try.  It’s a quick walk to the fitness center at my place so since I still have two more workdays this week I’m going to commit to giving it a try tomorrow morning plus a bit of floor work and strength training tonight.

I think I’m done whining and have put together a solid plan to get myself back on track because I’ve been feeling so good I don’t want to throw away all my progress.  If you’re made it this far thanks for reading my whiny post and hope everyone is having a great week! 😀