A bit off track from the usual blogging fare but I like to mix it up and sometimes writing is like therapy so this is my session 🙂
I used to joke about not having any feelings, especially at work. It’s mostly because sometimes I think I have too many feelings and if I acknowledge all of them I don’t think I would get through life without some kind of daily breakdown.
Today I was affected. I cried.
It’s difficult to not be affected by the stories I hear day in and day out. Some are lies. Some tears are crocodile tears. Some are the truth and the tears are real. It’s frustrating to see someone lacking the ability to get out of their own way, to lack the ability to take accountability for their actions, or find a way to constantly shift the blame to someone else.
“This person didn’t do this for me…” “I couldn’t…” “I can’t….” “It’s too difficult to….
” No one told me to do this..” “I didn’t know”
I think it’s not just the lack of accountability but the constant presence of negativity. When your life is surrounded by negativity I can understand why it might be difficult to see a light at the end of the tunnel. As a generally optimistic person I struggle to understand the thought process of someone who genuinely believes themselves to be incapable of change.
The defeatist attitude. The blamer.
These are the most challenging personalities I deal with in my job. The thought processes are so far outside of my own thought process it’s difficult to relate. I’m a planner. I’m an optimist. I’m accountable for my mistakes.
If I’m in a negative situation I might try to avoid it for a minute but I know the best way to handle a mistake or negative situation is to face it, own it, and figure out the next step. What are the consequences? Can I fix it? Can I learn from it?
Avoiding a situation rarely makes it better and from my experience you learn from your mistakes. I think the more often you own up to your mistakes and take accountability the less likely you are to make the same mistake. This isn’t to say you won’t ever make the same mistake again but you’ll remember that you survived your mistake and you were able to handle the consequences.
Even in dark times when I’ve thought all was lost I knew things would get better if I put in the effort to make things better. I also assess all the positives even the simple ones like, “I’m still breathing and healthy enough to keep moving.” As long I’m breathing and moving I know I can makes things better so I struggle when dealing with people who don’t see that simple fact. I’m not saying it’s easy but it’s possible.
I also know everyone has a different perspective and you don’t always know until you’ve walked in someone else’s shoes.
I think I was already feeling a little down today and the first couple interactions of the day were so heartbreaking I was having a hard time bouncing back. It also didn’t help that I didn’t complete a task I was sent to do because I was affected so I felt bad about my work performance. I really just wanted to retreat but I survived the rest of the day.
I already know tomorrow will be a better day. It’s FRIDAY! The weekend is almost upon us. For tonight I’m going to have a good cry, allow myself to wallow in my sadness for the moment, release the emotions, and move forward.