The Social Butterfly

I don’t always wish I hadn’t made plans and let me be honest with myself (and my readers) I did spend most of last weekend binging on Netflix…

This week I decided it was time to attempt to curb my hermit tendencies and give my couch a break….

I took my best friend out for a belated birthday dinner last night and it was lovely.  I got a burrito that fed me for 3 meals and it was delicious.  The best part though was spending time talking with a person I enjoy spending time with and avoiding another night curled up on my couch watching Project Runway reruns.

I relate to this but getting out did make me feel revived.  It’s not that I don’t like people, it’s simply that I get lazy.  It’s easy to let yourself believe you have to suffer alone but when you allow someone else in it reminds you that you’re not and if you’re like me you feel silly for wallowing instead of reaching out.

Tomorrow I have plans to go for a walk with a friend from work then Sunday hopefully get the oil changed in the car, Monday will be a crazy day at work, Tuesday going out with work friends, planning a get together with a friend on Thursday, plus possible dinner plans next weekend….Whew!  I get both exhausted and excited with all the plans.

My retail schedule was impossible to make plans beyond a week because my schedule was always changing, different days off, different shifts, and the schedule usually not made more than a week in advance so seriously challenging to make plans.  It’s nice to have a regular work schedule where I can actually make plans easier.  I’m finding I kind of enjoy staying busy.

I’ve talked about it before but I continue to believe I’m right where I’m supposed to be at this point in my life.  I’ve regretted that I didn’t get here sooner but I think I’m about over it.  It doesn’t do any good to regret.  It doesn’t change the past.  It’s easier to regret when you’re unhappy but as I become happier in the present day I find myself looking back less and less especially now that I’m such a social butterfly 😉

Hope everyone has a beautiful weekend!  I’m going to enjoy the rest of the evening catching up on Gotham then off to bed, made plans for mid-morning, late enough to sleep in but early enough to hopefully beat the crazy crowds 😀

Cleaning out my closet

As I mentioned earlier today I was on a mission to clear out some clutter.  When I looked back at the before pictures I was almost embarrassed to post them but I can’t show off the after without posting the before.  The featured pic is midway through the cleaning, sometimes you have to make a mess to really clean things up.

At that point I was sitting on the floor in the only spot shifting through notebooks from high school, old resumes, grade school sticker books, and an assortment of other treats including an awesome NKOTB notebook (Yeah, I’m keeping that 😉 ) After 3 hours of cleaning (I took lots of breaks), 1 giant garbage bag, a pile of recycling, and a pile of donations I can once again walk into my storage closet without tripping over things.  It’s kind of amazing.

I had 2 large storage totes, the size that fits under a bed, filled with random stuff and managed to get it down to 1 large storage tote.  It was nice because I could use the second one for some items I wanted to keep safe but were originally just thrown on top of other boxes.  Things like signed posters from shows and some prints of my photos.

I broke down boxes that will work for moving and put the rest in the recycle pile.  I still need to go through the crate of picture frames to see what I can sell and what I want to keep.

The cleaning became a bit more therapeutic than I expected it to be when I started this project.  I might have wrote about this before but when I first graduated high school I went to college in Texas for a year.  It was fantastic and fun but I was not as focused as I needed to be so I failed most of my classes and had to come home.  When I came home I went to community college and still didn’t do very well so I’ve always looked at that time as a failure in my life.

Today I got rid of some of the baggage from that time period because (even though I’ve known it for years) I finally realized I can’t go back and undo the past.  The mistakes I made brought me to where I am today and despite not being exactly where I want to be in my life…..I have 2 degrees, tons of work experience, supportive family, great friends, and I’m working on what I consider to be a new chapter in my life.  Most importantly, I’m happy 😀

I’m never going to be able to go back, relive that time, make new choices but I can recognize that time for what it was and continue moving forward.

When I was going through some old letters, papers, etc. they were making me sad but all of sudden it hit me that I’ll never completely move forward if I don’t quit holding onto past mistakes, both mentally and physically.  Throwing away some of the things from that time period was sad but also completely necessary and as corny as it sounds I do feel lighter.  I feel like I’ve let go of something that may not have always been at the forefront of my mind but has haunted me in some way for years.

I can hold onto the friends I made, the lessons I learned, but the regret and anger toward myself for my mistakes…I need to let that go.

Anyways, now that I’ve gone through all the emotional clutter.  Here’s some before and after pics of the physical clutter.

1 Before1

Before Cleaning. Yikes! View from inside

Closet 009

After cleaning, view from inside

Before cleaning, view from the door

Before cleaning, view from the door

After cleaning, view from the door

After cleaning, view from the door

At one point I’d almost decided it wasn’t necessary to pull everything out but I’m so glad I did because the stuff I was keeping needed to be rearranged to make the most of the space.  Yay!  Now onto the next project!

P.S. It’s after 5 PM on a Friday so the odds of my hearing about the job have gone down drastically so unfortunately it looks like I might be suffering through a long, hot weekend of waiting 😦  Actually I’m sure I’ll find plenty of ways to keep myself busy.  This week went back faster than expected so I can definitely handle a few more days….but only a few more

Waiting for my Fairy Godmother….

When I first began working out I was enamored with the gym and in true obsessive personality fashion I wanted to be at the gym 5-6 days a week, now I’m more realistic with 3-4 days a week.  I still love the gym but I don’t want to live there so I’ve worked out 30-40 minute routines for strength training then heading to the great outdoors for cardio.

When the weather is nice I would much rather be walking on a trail or path enjoying nature than walking on the treadmill watching TV.  That’s just me and I’m lucky be in a place where I have both the time and the options.

I write about it all the time but I think it’s important in all aspects of life to find what works for you.

I spent so many years trying to adapt to the eating plans and workout routines of other people by completely dedicating myself to one option then feeling discouraged after failure.  This time around I didn’t set weight loss goals because I knew if I was eating better and working out more the weight loss would happen naturally.  I am losing weight, which is awesome and I celebrate my victories in this area but it’s still not my focus.

My focus remains on changing my habits rather than changing my image.

The unexpected part of changing my eating and work out habits was discovering parts of myself I thought were lost forever.  I would never admit it at the time but I’d resigned myself to a boring life.  I was a “someday” person, waiting for the moment when my fairy godmother would swoop down with her magic wand and whisk me away from my terrible job and boring life.  She would transform me into the person I always wanted to be, adventurous, active, skinny, fun, social, with an amazing job and tons of friends (When I write that out it makes me sound like I wanted to live in a beer commercial, lol).

I should have known there was no fairy godmother but I was living in a delusion where I would make grand plans in my mind but never take any steps to accomplish them until about 5 years ago when I went back to school to finish my degree. This was great and I was convinced this was the start of my grand adventure but I graduated and simply continued working at the same job.  I didn’t even look at or apply to new jobs…… 😕

I kept telling myself I needed to save more money so I would spend one more year at my job and really focus on my finances so I could move without feeling financially stressed.  Well, as these things often go, one year turned into four during which I did receive a couple promotions.  It was great but I knew in my heart I would never be happy working retail forever; however it was comfortable and I was saving money, right?  Not really.  I was trying but it was a half-hearted effort.

Looking back I was lacking so much in my life.

I was lacking the courage to change.
I was lacking the confidence to believe I was capable of change.
Most importantly, I was lacking the motivation to get off my ass and make change happen.

To quote the great Ferris Bueller, “Life moves pretty fast.  If you don’t stop and look around once in a while you could miss it”

I was missing life.  Instead of making changes so I could start living the life I’ve always wanted and become the person I’ve always wanted to be I was waiting on some perfect storm of conditions or that fairy godmother to show up…maybe she was stuck in traffic 😉

Regret is natural and I regret missing out on so much of my life because I was lacking courage, confidence, and motivation but I’m also happy to report I am finally waking up and enjoying my life.  I still have stress, worry, and doubt (I write about it all the time) but for the most part life is pretty good.  I’m connecting with true friends and making new ones, finding a new career, working on a new hobby, exploring the world around me, changing my life, and in the process forging my own path to happiness.  I realize some people go their whole lives without finding their happiness but I know I’m not going to be one of those people.