Stuck in a rut…again

This morning on the heels of yesterday’s borderline anxiety attack I finally made a decision about my career.

I woke up this morning lacking the motivation or the will to get moving, settled into an attitude of “What’s the point?” Thankfully the voice of reason and some small voice of motivation kicked in reminding me that I’m not ready to give up or simply allow myself to give into my emotions.  Despite feeling discouraged I can’t allow myself to lay in bed all day watching reality shows on Bravo (Seriously, the housewives fascinate and terrify me.  They all have so much surgery you can barely tell them apart, it’s frightening, like a real Stepford Wives) and feeling sorry for myself.

I need to get back to work.

I’m going crazy not working.

I love all the free time but I also hate all the free time plus I’m starting to feel like I’m descending back into a rut.

My definition of a rut in life:  A comfortable place where you don’t have to make any big decisions, where you just ride through life without forward momentum but it’s warm, cozy, and safe so you stay.

Right now I’m not settled in the rut but I’m definitely starting to hang out there more often so it’s time to be brave, make decisions, and move forward.  I make it sound like I’m off to slay a dragon, climb a mountain, or begin an epic quest but I’ve simply decided to get a part time job and actually already applied for something this morning that fits with the direction I want to go with my career.

I still feel anxious because with any decision there’s almost always some seeds of doubts where you wonder if you made the right choice but I have to remind myself I’m not committing to anything right now I’m just trying something to see what happens.  I might not hear anything back from the part time jobs or I might find something perfect or I might end up finding a full time job or the part time job might lead to a full time job or I might realize I have no idea what will happen in the future but I know if I don’t try something different nothing will change.

Despite the anxiety it feels good to finally make a decision.  I realized with the extreme time frames on the government jobs I’m applying for it could be another 2 months or more before I hear anything.  In the meantime bills continue to come in, rent must be paid, groceries, food for James the cat, etc. and my unemployment does not last forever.

As I’m writing this I receive 2 rejection emails 😦 but I’m resigned to staying positive today.  *Here’s a side note about the extreme time frames, the one job I received an email about I applied for in March!*  I’m putting a positive spin on it, these emails serve as a reminder as to why I made the decision to pursue a part-time job.  This process is taking a long time and there will be rejections but at least finding something part-time will allow me to continue to pursue full-time jobs and could even lead to something full-time.

Also, I’m continuing to pursue photography and was given some great ideas yesterday from my friend plus after some research I’m looking into other ways to start selling my work.  That is something I’m working on this afternoon.  I dedicated most of the afternoon to photography, editing, cleaning up my files, backing up files (my biggest fear is losing my work), and seeing what I can do to potentially make some money.

I’m still nervous and anxious about what I’m going to do but making this decision today gives me comfort and direction.  I’ve been kind of aimlessly going through the motions too scared to make a choice but it feels good to finally pick a direction and take a step.  I’m hoping to find something in the field I want to go into so I can get some experience but also keeping an eye out for other opportunities, trying to avoid retail….but that option is there if needed.

Keep your fingers crossed for me! 😀

Also, started the #100HappyDays Challenge today on Instagram, daisy9979 with James the Cat 🐱 peacefully napping on my arm this morning while I was typing away (yes, I know I’m a crazy cat lady but even when he’s walking across the keyboard or knocking things off the counter he still makes me happy).

It’s a bit cheesy but I like the challenge and look forward to seeing what I can come up with for the next 99 days 🙂

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12 comments

  1. Pingback: Happy Birthday to Me! | Transitions in my Life
  2. lovetotrav · June 4, 2015

    Hang in there. I know how rough it can be to not know what the future holds especially when it comes to unemployment. I was unemployed this year and didn’t like it at all! Very stressful and emotionally draining. I get it. Keep your mind open to lots of possibilities and do what you can to keep your esteem high such as exercise and making good eating choices. I did and didn’t do this.. and the didn’t times… not so great! Fingers and toes crossed for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Daisy9979 · June 4, 2015

      Thank you. Being unemployed is 1000x more challenging than I thought it would be, emotionally draining is a good description. I’m opening myself up to more possibilities and realizing life has more than one path, not everyone has to follow the conventional path. Do I regret some choices? Yeah but I truly believe this is the path I’m meant to be on right now 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • lovetotrav · June 4, 2015

        Excellent. Coming to that realization is hugely important. Take care.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Just Breathe... · June 3, 2015

    Wishing you the best of luck. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Tony Burgess · June 3, 2015

    There are times when I am horrible at making decisions. There is adequate amounts of anxiety involved in making the right one or the wrong one.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Daisy9979 · June 3, 2015

      I hate making decisions but I’m learning right or wrong sometimes decisions must be made or I’ll forever be stuck.

      Like

  5. keen peach · June 3, 2015

    Fingers crossed Daisy! I wish things would speed up for you. You are hanging in there so well though! You are such a positive person! At least you come across that way in your blog. 🙂
    Your cat is so sweet! I love this challenge you are doing! I want to do it too. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Daisy9979 · June 3, 2015

      Thanks! I’m mostly positive but have my bad days and try to keep it real in my blog. Life can be a struggle sometimes but I find being positive to be the better option.
      You should do the 100 Happy days challenge, takes a minute to sign up and seems like it’ll be fun. 🙂

      Like

  6. briana1010 · June 3, 2015

    Good for you! It’ll be good to work, even if it’s not 100% what you want. It also will probably make you a better-on-paper candidate for full time positions. Good luck!!! I’m also in a career rut…but, being currently employed, can’t talk about it much on my blog.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Daisy9979 · June 3, 2015

      I hit some button and accidentally trashed your comment while I was trying to reply but thankfully figured out how to get it back. I was kind of freaking out for a minute, lol.
      I’m hoping I find something soon, the idea of getting back to work is strangely appealing. You just graduated so hopefully that should open up some opportunities if you did want to change jobs. I hope you find your way out of your career rut, I know that’s not a fun place to be.

      Liked by 1 person

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