Social Media Social Anxiety

I can be a bit of a perfectionist with a constant fear of judgement.  I’m not going to psychoanalyze myself to try to understand where this fear comes from but instead I’m trying to find a way to overcome it because I’m starting to see how silly it can be in some instances especially as I delve deeper into the world of social media.

Let’s look at some of the social media platforms and my personal concerns

Instagram

Instagram isn’t bad because it’s usually just a quick “Thanks” or maybe describing where the picture was taken, no big deal I can handle that without pouring over it too much.  I do have trouble commenting on other people’s photos but I’m working to overcome that by making myself comment on at least one per day.

Facebook

Facebook I struggle to comment on the statuses or posts of people I haven’t seen since high school or was never super close to in the first place but I also try to make myself do that more often.  If someone posts something and I have an opinion or comment I put it out there then sometimes fret over what they might be thinking about it.

The other day a girl I went to high school with posted a pic of a waterfall and I wanted to know more about where it was at so I could check it out.  I knew she lived close to our hometown plus she does lots of hiking so I wouldn’t mind chatting with her some about hiking places in the area.  I finally commented and ended up learning about an area close to me plus another further north, as well as learning she lived down here growing up so she knows spots in this area.

Overall, a positive interaction, not scary maybe I’ll have to try it more often.

WordPress 

The wonderful world of blogging where interactions help us to continue to thrive.  When I first started someone would comment and I would panic. “What do I say?” “Who is this person?”  I waited an appropriate amount of time (usually at least 30 minutes, don’t want to seem too eager) then cautiously wrote the words “Thanks! 🙂 ” and waited to see what would happen.

I wish this was an exaggeration.  I’m better now especially with the people I interact with frequently.

Sometimes I hold myself back from commenting because I’m so afraid of saying something stupid or silly but it’s such an irrational fear because I’ve never (knock on wood) had any negative interactions online so I don’t know why my comment complimenting the author and maybe inviting them to check out something of mine would incite rage on their part.  I was inspired to write about this topic the other day when I read a blog post I really enjoyed and had written a post that related but I never want to seem too pushy or self-promoting but I really wanted to express my enjoyment of their writing and share my experience.

Isn’t that a large part of what the blogging community is about?  Enjoying the work of others, expressing that enjoyment, and sharing your own work.

I hesitated, watching the cursor blink in the window, and finally typed out some words then read them twice, three times, then spent 10 minutes debating whether or not to link back to my content before finally deciding to do it.  The amazing part is I survived with no hatred or rage from the blogger but a like and a comment on my post.

When I write about some of my struggles with this it seems silly but in my mind it’s a legitimate concern.  I know the concern stems from how easily the written word can be misconstrued.
Will they know I’m joking?  
Will they understand what I’m trying to say?  
Does a smiley face actually lighten the tone of what I said?  
I try to keep my life as drama free as possible so I don’t want to say something to spark an internet feud, nothing worse than having an argument through a keyboard. The other side is the part of me that wants to be liked and doesn’t want someone to think what I said was dumb or annoying.

I’m definitely getting better about it, spending less time reading and re-reading every word I write to someone in a comment.  I still spell check and read through a couple times but I do less of the waiting because I don’t want to seem too eager to reply or not commenting because I’m afraid of how my own thoughts will sound to another person.  I have to remind myself as a blogger I love comments so I assume other bloggers also like comments, maybe some don’t, but I enjoy the feedback and interaction.

As I mention in the beginning, I’m working on overcoming this weird social media social anxiety.  I think most people feel safer behind the keyboard but I sometimes feel more vulnerable.  People can still judge you but each time I find myself stressing out over typing the words “Great pics” on Facebook or writing a comment to a fellow blogger explaining why I enjo reading their words I ask, “What’s the worst that could happen?” They either like your comment, reply to your comment, or do nothing.

Now that I’ve read this through 10 times, tweaking and editing it’s time to share. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Does anyone else struggle with anxiety about online interactions?

Staging a Technology Intervention

I love my phone.  I love Facebook.  I love taking pictures.  I love IMDB. I love checking my e-mail.  I love playing games.  I love pinning on Pinterest.  I love texting.

I love all of these things (and many more) on my phone but I’m also ashamed of my addiction to my phone so I continue to make tiny efforts to wean myself away from my phone and I’ve found the one thing that really makes me aware of my own behaviors is seeing other people’s behaviors.

When I’m out in public and take the time to look up from my phone these are some of the things I might see:

A.  A fantastic event going on around me
B.  Everyone looking at me because they’ve said something but I’ve been scrolling through Facebook reading about friends who aren’t right in front of me
C.  Everyone else staring at their phones
Unfortunately “C” happens way too often in both public and private settings.

I have already mentioned how much I love my family, all of them…..yes, even though they sometimes drive me crazy in the way only family can I love them all, which is why in the same way loved ones gather together with the best intentions for drug or alcohol intervention I think I have a family member who needs a technology intervention.  I’m sure we all know people in our lives, or maybe we’re the person ( 😉 ) who needs an intervention from their smartphone, tablet, laptop, or all of the above plus more.

As I mentioned in Monday’s post I resisted taking pictures of every little thing that happened along the way.

Maybe it’s because I remember times when we didn’t have cell phones attached to our hands but I hate looking down a table and seeing everyone with their phones out.  I do wish I would have taken more people pictures but I don’t regret not having pictures of dinner or breakfast.  I don’t regret not tagging myself and everyone I was with at every location but I have a family member who enjoys doing this everywhere.

This is not to say I am not guilty of this behavior but the more I see it the more I don’t want to do it.

If we have a free minute we have our phones out, which I think is doing more harm than good.  We don’t have casual conversations with people or simply enjoy being still for a minute, instead we begin to crave constant entertainment. Standing in line, waiting in an office, waiting for a movie to start, at restaurants, at home, everywhere, whether it’s a 1 minute wait in a grocery store line or a 15 minute intermission our phones are out.

I go to the theater often and I turn off my phone because one of my biggest fears is hearing my cell phone ring during a live performance (Yikes!  Happened to my mom once, super awkward I pretended like I didn’t know her 😛 ).  There’s a 15 minute intermission for most shows but I choose to not turn my phone on during this time but many people do, checking Facebook, playing games, etc.  I can be disconnected for 15 minutes so I choose to visit with the person I’m with or look at my program and sometimes strike up conversations with the people around us but it’s become more challenging in recent years because everyone is on their phones.

We’re losing the ability to connect with other people in person while trying to make sure everyone in our digital world knows what we’re doing at every moment.

I don’t think everyone needs to know where I am all the time or what I’m doing so one step in my efforts is trying to have the moment, maybe take some pictures but hold off on social media until the next day or the next week or don’t post about it at all (I’ve heard people do that).  I waited a day to post a pic of my cousin and I on Facebook because I didn’t need any “likes” to validate how much fun we were having in the moment.  I have struggled with this before (which is a bit scary to say out loud) where I’ve posted something then kept checking to see how many people and who specifically liked the post.

Social media begins to feel like a competition with everyone working to post something clever, show the funniest or most heart wrenching video, share pictures of cute babies, show off the awesome adventures we go on, share pictures of the amazing food we eat or make, etc.  This is not to say I don’t love looking at and even posting some of these things (I can’t help it if my cat is adorable and sometimes I make delicious food) but it becomes dangerous when we find validation in the number of “likes” or comments we receive or when we’re so obsessed with our digital status we ignore the people right in front of us.

As I stated in the beginning of this post I love my phone and the many apps I use on my phone but I’m just trying to make sure I’m in control of my phone and my phone is not in control of me.  I think transitioning myself toward a more active lifestyle is helping me curb my cell phone addiction, also as I make efforts to spend time with people I want to actually be present with them not mindlessly scrolling through my phone.

I want to sometimes cut the invisible cord that connects me to everyone all the time and simply enjoy being in the moment because lately I’ve been looking up more and things are pretty great 🙂

No Wifi?!?

I spent Thanksgiving in a variety of places without wi-fi including my parents’ house, which is where I spent the majority of my time.  I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal because I’m not on my iphone that much so it won’t matter.  Turns out I was wrong and two upgrades to my cell phone plan (to avoid overage charges) in less than a week I realized I may have a problem.

As I stepped out of the car for Thanksgiving dinner I left my purse in the car but took my cell phone only to discover the shop where we were eating had no cell phone service.  What?!?  How will I post pictures of the delicious food that I’m eating?  How will I tag all my family members in a group photo?   What if someone sends me a text?  What if someone actually tries to call me? (An actual phone call that’s pretty unlikely)  How will I look at pictures of other people’s dinners and families? I found myself picking up my cell phone when I was bored and seeing that it had no service had to resign myself to actually making conversation with the people around me.

Over the course of the week I tried to cut back and monitor my usage only to find myself checking Facebook 20 times a day, as if one of my friends would share a life shattering post and I would miss it if I didn’t check Facebook at least once an hour.

I’ve tried different things in the past such as not using my cell phone in bed or when I’m out with friends but always find myself slipping back into bad habits.  Habits that include checking my phone first thing in the morning, checking the news, the weather, Facebook, Pinterest, email, plus whatever games I’ve chosen to play at the moment.  Since I don’t have a job I don’t usually have a specific agenda for the day so even checking my email can wait.

I began to research cell phone addiction and found it to be an increasing problem.  Reading through the article linked below I realized I definitely have a problem as I answered yes to every question that indicates a potential cell phone addiction.  I panic when I can’t find my phone, I am constantly (almost mindlessly) on my phone, I take my phone everywhere, and I go to sleep and wake up with my phone.

As with any addiction step one is admitting you have a problem so this is my public admittance that I have a problem.  I’ll start by bringing back the no cell phone in bed rule and go from there continuing to take baby steps until I severe this unnatural connection I have to my cell phone.

I guess I’ll start checking the weather the old fashioned way by looking out the window and everything else is simply not that important.

Mosley, T. (22 Jul, 2014).  4 Signs you’re addicted to your cell phone.  Seattle Refined. Retrived from http://www.komonews.com/seattlerefined/lifestyle/4-Signs-Youre-Addicted-To-Your-Cell-Phone–and-4-Ways-To-Recover-267820961.html